The Happiest Place on Earth and a Moment of Clarity

Hello everyone.  I am finally back from my vacation to Disney World and I had a great time!  The weather in Florida was sunny and about 75, which is perfect in my book.  We stayed at the Polynesian hotel and it was great!  They had a nice pool and a white sandy beach that made me feel like I was by the ocean even though it was a man made pool.  

The Polynesian hotel with a volcano water slide in the middle.

The worst part about the trip is also kind of the best part about the trip, but at the time it was just plain awful!  I got five blisters over the course of my time at Disney World.  All over my feet and they were ridiculously painful.  I guess I should have brought more comfortable shoes.  I had to put antibiotics on them, band-aids, moleskin and finally an ace bandage to be able to just walk semi-comfortably.  So that was not exactly the best, but we walked about 10 miles a day.  One day we even walked 13 miles.  I kid you not we walked all day everyday.  It was nice though to be always moving and feel like I was seeing all there was to see.  I got to see pretty much everything at Disney World including the Magic Kingdom and all its glory and Epcot and all of the nations within it.

The Magic Kingdom!

Epcot.

So, before I went on the trip I was having a lot of anxiety about how everything would go and just worrying about my size as it relates to fitting in a plane seat and being able to buckle myself on the various rides at Disney World.  I have to say that I am about 30 pounds smaller than I was last year at this time when I went to Hawaii and my experience on the plane was noticeably different.  Last year the belt barely buckled and I felt completely cramped in my seat.  Luckily my fiance was next to me on that flight, so we made it work.  This time on the airplane I fit into my seat just fine and had room to spare on my belt buckle.  I even sat next to a stranger on the way to Disney World and I was terrified of someone reporting that I was too big to fly next to them.  Luckily for me this didn't happen and I was able to even engage in conversation with my neighbor during the flight. 

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it feels to fit on a plane seat more comfortably and have room to spare in my belt buckle.  It is something that only someone who has been there before can truly understand.  For me it was a moment of clarity.  It was the push that I needed to say to myself, "look at what you CAN do!  You can fit in an airplane seat and you CAN lose this weight!"  I think that some people lose a little weight and they reward themselves in unhealthy ways (eating poorly, not working out, loosening up on their regime and I am the first to admit that I have been there before!  I am happy to report though that my eating was mostly in check on my trip and my spirits are better than ever.  I am a woman who has seen a change that is so moving for me that I am bound and determined to book my next flight in the middle seat.  YIKES!  Just as motivation for me to continue to lose weight and to keep up this hard work.  Losing weight is such a battle and can be so anxiety filled and I am just done with worrying about not fitting into a plane and worrying about not being able to buckle my belt on certain rides.  I am over it.  I want to be carefree about my weight.  I want to be able to sit anywhere on a plane or in a car and not worry about fitting.  I want to go on my trip next year and sit in the middle seat and not spill out into anyone else's space and to buckle my belt, put down my tray table and bend over to grab my stuff stowed beneath the seat with ease and comfort.  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.  This is my mission and my goal.  My next blog post will be about my plan.  The actions behind the goals.  Because you are all talk if you don't make a plan!

I am going to leave you with a picture of me last year in Hawaii just one year ago and a picture of me now in Disney World.  I am changing and sometimes even though I can see it in an image it means more to see it in the form of an airplane seat.

This is Ron and I in Hawaii last year.  March 2010.

This is Ron and I at Disney World.  March 2011.

Meal Planning and Disney World

I love to plan out my meals for the week because it saves me money and time that I would otherwise spend thinking about what to make (and in the past finding myself grabbing something qucik and not healthy).  So, this weekend when we went grocery shopping all of the meals for the week were planned out.  We're having some new things and some good old standby's.  This is the last week before our trip to Florida since we leave on Saturday morning.  I am beyond excited to get out of this freezing cold, snowy tundra that I have been living in for the past 6 months!

So, thinking about Disney World has me excited and a little anxious about some things.  I don't love flying, so I always worry about that a little bit, but once the plane takes off I am usually okay. I am also a little worried about the food situation while we are there.  My fiance's parents have bought us a very generous meal plan that includes three meals a day and two snacks.  That is generally what I usually eat, however I like being in control of my options.  I have looked a little bit at some of the restaurants available and it seems like there will be some healthier options available.  I am planning on starting out with a nice healthy breakfast every morning to get me going and that shouldn't be too hard to find.

All in all this week feels much better than last week.  I am starting to feel more relaxed and ready to take on the week in a healthy way and and I am preparing for my vacation as best as I can.  I want to really relax and enjoy myself while I am there and take advantage of all of the activities going on.  I am hoping that just being active will help me to not have a gain next week.

Last year when we went to Hawaii I bought a whole bunch of new outfits and this year (being in between sizes) I decided not to buy too much because I am hoping to buy summer clothes in a few months when I have lost more weight.  I feel like if I buy them now and I spend a week wearing them and then have to put them away until May or June they will hopefully be way too big and thus a waste of money.  So, I am wearing what I have and I feel okay about it.  I am going to get a few new shirts and a pair of shorts and other than that I shouls be set.

I made the most amazing veggie omelete this morning.  I will post pictures later.  I also had a piece of whole grain toast with it and an apple.  Unfortunately, the apple was mealy and not crisp like I like them to be, but nothing is stopping my good mood today.  This evening I have a date with the gym and a delicious dinner which will be honey dijon grilled chicken with brown rice and asparagus.  Dessert will be the always delicious clementine.  I hope you all have a healthy and productive Monday! :)

My inner thoughts on blast

Happy Sunday!  Tomorrow it is back to work.  I am actually excited about this.  Which is weird, I love the weekend, but I only have to work 1.5 days this week and then I am off for the rest of the week for Thanksgiving.  I love Thanksgiving and I love hosting and planning holiday events and this year my Mom and I are hosting Thanksgiving at her house.  My mother is a fabulous cook and baker and a great hostess and party planner.  I would like to think that I inherited these traits.  I am not quite as expert as she is, but I would say that I am advanced in my party planning abilities.

I am excited and also nervous.  I am anxious and relaxed.  Who am I kidding?  I am like a chicken with my head cut off.  Not only am I planning this event with 45 people and making a pie for the first time from scratch including the crust.  I am also in the middle of a lifestyle change.  I am like over-analyzing, over-planning, triple checking, making a list and checking it twice.  You see, in my normal environment that I am in complete control of I am great.  I have gotten this healthy living, eating, breathing, sleeping and exercising thing down to a science.  When I am a fish out of water?  I am likely to flop around like a state fair carnival booth prize winning goldfish in a first-graders bedroom. No, I won't be.  I CAN'T be out of control.  I am in control of myself, my actions, my body.  BLAH. If I have lost some of you with this tirade I don't blame you at all. In fact if you are off reading another blog that is not nearly so full of anxiety I also don't blame you.

I just spent $106.77 at the grocery store buying groceries for the next two weeks of my life including the pecan pie and sweet potatoes that I am making.  I bought a lot of amazing new products that I am dying to try and some tried and true items that I can't live without (see tomorrow's post on Must-have items).  I just spent the better part of an hour washing, cutting and bagging up my food for the week and making  pile in the fridge of items for work for Monday and Tuesday and a pile of stuff to take to my Mom's with me. I have planned every meal, I have planned every work out.  This may seem crazy, but for me it has to be this way right now.  I can't allow myself to just go home, where it is comfortable and my mom makes homemade deliciousness out of the oven all day and there is no gym membership and think that my new jeans that I can now buckle and wear without turning blue in the face from cutting off my circulation will fit.  You see, I have done great so far.  I am 45 pounds down since October 2nd and I am proud of it.  I have lost weight in places that I didn't think was possible.  I have tried classes that I swore were too hard for me.  I have gone to happy hour and ordered nothing deep fried and had a water.  I have not had a drop of alcohol or soda for 7 weeks.  My body is sharp, cleansed, getting healthy and getting fit.  I have come too far to go back.  I have seen some small successes and dreamt of greater ones.  I have lost 45 pounds and I will not gain one pound back.  Not this holiday or the next.  I am in control and I make my own decisions. I will eat in moderation, I will not go back for seconds and I will stay on track and make it to the end of this journey. I am not a fish out of water.  I am Nemo finding my own way in a sometimes scary and unpredictable world.

Saturday Sessions

So, it is only two hours away from not being Saturday anymore, but I was determined to get this post in when it was actually Saturday.  This week has been extremely crazy for me.  I have had something going on every day this week and I have something planned every day of every weekend until January 3rd.  As much as I love having plans with friends and family it can be hard when you don't have any breaks to relax on the weekend.  Tomorrow I have no plans except for grocery shopping, working out and relaxing.  I have my laundry all done and I am nearly ready for the holiday week.


Recap of last weeks goals...


1. Change up my work-out routines.  As my brother-in-law calls it, muscle confusion. 
I think this went pretty well.  I made it to Soul Grooves, Zumba and Hip-Hop this week and mixed some cardio in there.  I am going to buy Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred to take to my Mom's house with me next week since I will not have access to a gym and we are supposed to have the coldest Thanksgiving weather in 21 years here in Minnesnowta. I still have not tried Deep Water, the MIXX or strictly strength at the gym and I really want to, so although I did mix it up this week there is still room for improvement.


2. Organize my closet, try on clothes and get rid of what doesn't fit.
I have started bags to go to the good-will and bags of clothes to hopefully give away or maybe sell for cheap.  I just really want the clothes to go to someone who will use them and maybe someone who is also in the process of losing weight and just needs something to wear until they make it to the next milestone.  I also got a little OCD with organizing my closet.  See photo proof below.

This is my T-shirt collection organized from ROYGBIV. I know, very over the top.

These are the clothes that fit me now, small amount, but I have a lot to look forward to...

This side of the closet is clothes that will soon fit me even though most of them are old.  I will wear them to get down even lower :) Some of the clothes on the far right if the picture are ones that are already too big!  Such a great feeling!

Jeans and pants that do not currently fit, but are organized by the next size I will be in all the way down to 4 sizes smaller than I am now.  I am really excited to just keep moving down the ladder. 


New Goals 


1. Make it a holiDAY and not a holi-week or longer.
Sarah at Fat Little Legs posted earlier this week about not letting your holiday turn into a holi-month or holi-year and I thought that was great.  I think it is important that people eat things that they are craving to a certain extent.  I think if you completely say everything is off limits you will fall off the wagon and gain all the weight back that you lost and then some.  I also think that some things are worth splurging a little bit on and some are not.  I think that too often around the holidays people take a holiday and turn it into a holi-month of bad eating.  It is a vicious cycle and it is not good for your waistline. I plan on eating some things that I never get, but still in smaller portions than I normally would.  I also plan on exercising heavily before the big meal and getting right back on track the next day.


1. Start keeping track of my mood more often. 
A lot of people say that our behaviors are a directly related to our mood and I could not agree more.  I think that people's actions correspond with their mood and more specifically that there is a reason why we eat poorly, over indulge, make excuses and don't work out.  I am trying to pin-point my mood and emotions throughout the day and week to see what kind of triggers I have to start thinking about a cheat day, or not going to the gym.  I want to spend this next week focusing on my mood and how that effects my eating and exercising habits. 

Things I have learned this weekend

1. When going out to lunch with friends one must ask the server about 10 questions about how a dish is prepared before ordering.  Case in point I ordered a bruschetta chicken salad this weekend and the ingredients were: romaine lettuce, spinach, rotisserie chicken, diced tomatoes with a light balsamic glaze and bread.  I asked for the dressing on the side, no bread and wanted to make sure the tomatoes were not drizzled with butter or salt.  The dish came out and it was COVERED in parmesan cheese.  The bread was there, but I gave it to my friends immediately.  It took me about 10 minutes to get the majority of the parmesan cheese off of the dish before I could start eating it. It was very good, but I have learned my lesson that I need to ask more questions about the food that I am ordering.

2. I need to have a better plan in tact for weekends when I have a jam packed schedule.  I am trying to eat every 3 hours or so to keep my metabolism going.  This is generally breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and occasionally a snack after dinner if I have worked out.  Well this weekend I had a lot going on and I didn't enough snacks with me, so I found myself very hungry and slightly crabby.  I didn't make poor choices, but I need to work on being more prepared and having my snacks on hand at all times.

3. Having support is extremely helpful to lose weight.  I feel like I am standing on the rooftops telling everyone what I am doing and what my plan is so that the people around me understand how important this is to me and so that they can hold me accountable.  Ultimately, I am accountable to myself as this is my journey, but it is nice to let people know so that I don't find myself thinking it is okay to have a cheat day every weekend.

4. I need to re-train myself to cook.  I grew up eating comfort foods. We ate a diet of meat, potatoes and a vegetable, which wasn't totally un-healthy, but it could have been a lot more healthy.  I love to cook and I need to get some new recipes in my collection so that I feel like I have options and am not just eating the same thing over and over again.

5. I need to keep my purse closed at all times.  I lost my digital camera for about a half a day, but it has been found and I am beyond thankful.  I guess Ron was right when he told me about 50 times that I need to start closing my purse, so I don't lose things.

6. I attended an EXCELLENT weight loss seminar and I learned for every 6 grams of carbohydrates you consume it is the equal of 1 tsp of sugar as far as your body is concerned.  YIKES!  So at the beginning of this journey I bought some frozen meals that we all know about and think isn't too bad for us, and while it isn't worse than getting fast food it is still not the best option.  Two of the three that I chose had 71 grams of carbohydrates in them.  That is a lot of sugar!  I will be donating those to someone at work.  I also learned that eating whole foods is better than boxed, processed crap (okay, I already knew that, but I learned just how bad it is for us and I am trying to do everything I can to buy all natural, organic and whole foods when I can.

7.  I learned that I am not alone in this journey.  Almost everyone who I spoke this weekend about my weight loss journey told me something that they have been working on as well or things that are difficult for them.  This is everyone from my very thin friends to people who also attended the seminar.  It is nice to know that other people are struggling with their weight and body images as well and that I am not alone.

8.  I learned the importance of being more positive and less negative towards myself.  I consider myself a pretty positive person and I think that I come off that way to my family and friends.  I am not so kind to myself and need to work on my relationship with myself a little more during this journey.  As one of the speakers this weekend said, I am so sick of people saying, "I hate my body.  I hate everything about it.  Why is it that you HATE your body?  Does it not function for you?  Does it not let you live another day?  Does it not let you enjoy your senses and breath in and out?  Don't hate your body.  Just have certain things that you want to work on."  So, I am going to try and be my biggest cheerleader.  I am the only one who can control my weight loss journey and it won't help to beat myself up the entire way.

Permanent Weight Loss

WARNING: This is a long post, I apologize.  I promise they won't all be this long. :)

This afternoon I was browsing some sites online looking for some inspiration for meals,
workouts and just healthy living tips in general and I found an article that I really like on
  Eating Well website which is about tips for permanent weight loss.  This whole thing
that I am working on is not a diet.  A diet is often times  most of the time a temporary
thing.  This is a lifestyle change and is something that I want to be permanent.  A way of
 life, something that I do daily without even thinking about it because it is as habitual as
 brushing my teeth and taking a shower.  I know that this website often uses the word
diet, which is probably because for some people it is just that, but for me it is something
much different.

I read this article several times today to soak it all in and that is when I decided I wanted
 to blog about it and to discuss out loud where I think I fall for each of these steps.  My
 comments follow each step in the purple font.  Make sure you check out the full article
 on the website that is linked above.

Step 1. Make Sure You’re Ready for Change

Of course you want to lose weight—that’s why you are reading this—but in order to make a
 life plan you can stick with, you must be ready—truly ready—to make the commitment.
Losing weight will take some time and effort, and it will require you to make some sacrifices.
(If it were easy, everyone would be thin!) The first step is to make sure you’re ready to get
started. Read more.

The first thing that popped into my head when I read this was, "is anyone ever ready
 for this?"  I know that seems awfully pessimistic, but it is not supposed to sound that 
way.  What I mean is making changes in your life is hard, having willpower is hard, 
working out is hard, BUT being fat is really hard, so what it comes down to is 
choosing your "hard".  I have chosen the "hard" that is committing to change my 
eating habits and lifestyle (not being a lazy blob) to benefit my health. 

Step 2. Set Goals

The next step on your weight-loss journey is to decide what kind of weight loss makes
sense for you. Weigh in, assess your eating habits and make a game plan. That will
 include long-term goals and more immediate goals too. Read more.

When I read this step I was very encouraged because this is one of the first things
 that I did.  When I sat down and made a list of my goals I became even more
 committed to this and even more driven to lose this weight that weighs me down.  
I have made some personal goals that I have not shared and I have made some
 goals that are outlined on the pages of this blog so that others can see what I am
 working towards. I do need to make some smaller goals and also some NON FOOD
 rewards that I can look forward to along this journey.  

Step 3. Track Yourself

Self-awareness is self-motivation: by keeping track of your behavior, you motivate
yourself to change because you become more accountable. Track yourself with a food
diary and exercise log—some of the most powerful tools for managing your weight.
Read more.

I am tracking my every step and every morsel that goes into my mouth.  I have
an exercise/weight lifting log as well as the wonderful resources at The Daily Plate
to help me track my calories and keep my sodium, fat and carbohydrate levels 
consistent.   

Step 4. Eat Mindfully

Healthy eating means getting a variety of foods in moderation—not making any food
forbidden, but not going overboard on those rich foods that were once
special-occasion indulgences. Eat mindfully by knowing the foods that make weight
loss easier, and understanding key healthy-eating principles. Read more.

I remember when I started a weight loss journey 4 years ago that I reward 
weight loss with food that I missed.  I am not doing that.  I am allowing myself 
anything that I want in moderation.  If I say NO fries all I will want is fries, fries, 
fries, BUT on that same note it is important to watch my daily intakes and still 
stay on track with my calories, fat, sodium and carbohydrates.  I can't justify 
french fries today, a little bit of chinese tomorrow, mexican food this weekend.  
It is moderation AND frequency that matter. 

Step 5. Commit to Move More

Exercise makes weight loss much easier—but more important, people who move
more are more likely to keep the pounds off. No matter where you’re at now, you
can become “an exercise person.” Read more.

I can honestly say that this is the hardest part for me.  I have all the willpower
in the world to avoid cakes, fried food, etc, but when it comes to working out
I just plain don't LOVE it.  I have come to the realization that I LIKE working out, 
which is actually a huge step for me. As my brother in law Mike said today you 
will eventually love it once you see some more results and get used to working
out often.  I am sure he is right, but for now I LIKE the thought of doing it, but
I must say I LOVE how I feel afterwards. 

Step 6. Get Support

Losing weight is challenging—we can’t expect to do it alone. As you make your way
through losing weight, you’ll need to cultivate a network of friends, family, co-workers,
professionals and like-minded dieters.Read more.

I have told pretty much everyone I know about my plans (except for my Mom, but 
that will come as soon as results start to show up).  I have sent my sisters
subscriptions to my blog, I have told my co-workers, my boyfriend, other family
members, etc.  I want people to know that I am working towards something and
I want them to see how committed I am.  I also have paid for six personal training
and six nutrition classes with a registered dietician.

Step 7. Have a Long-Term Plan

As you reach your weight-loss goals, you’re ready for the final step: creating a long-term
strategy that will help your successes stick for good. Read more.

This one is definitely still a work in progress.  I am attending a conference this
weekend and have plans to tap into all of the resources that I can to make this 
a PERMANENT lifestyle and not something that will find me back at this same
terrible spot in years to come. I'm heading to the gym in building to get some
cardio in and then calling it a night.

The EatingWell Diet. Copyright 2007 by Eating Well, Inc. Published by The
Countryman Press, P.O. Box 748, Woodstock, VT 05091. 

Organizing myself skinny

Happy Friday!

I just wanted to write a little bit about the importance of planning and organizing in my weight loss journey.   I am a very, very organized person.  I used to have a caboodle filled with nail polish and then I had each color on a sheet of white paper with the corresponding name next to it.  I also color coordinate my closet, accessories, etc.  I am also a list maker.  I make lists because it helps me feel like I have accomplished something when I cross it off.  I feel like my life is in order when I organize, plan, make lists, you get the point.  So, I figured why not incorporate this into my weight loss journey.  Actually, if I am being totally transparent I didn't think about this so much as I just started doing it without even thinking because that is what I do.  Don't get the wrong idea here.  I am NOT like a total crazy neat freak organizer.  I just like to think ahead and make sure that I have a plan for things because I hate being caught off guard.

I think that being organized and planning ahead works super well when you are trying to lose weight, whether it is planning your meals, work-outs, etc.  I went grocery shopping this week and I got lots of fruits, veggies, snacks (low-calorie, low-fat something salty because I LOVE chips and the hardest part of this lifestyle change is not sitting down and eating an entire bag of sour cream and onion chips... okay maybe not the whole bag, but more than anyone should eat).  So I made my own 100 calorie packs, portioned out my oatmeal for breakfast, cut my veggies and fruit and portioned them out into baggies and containers.  This has been AMAZING this week.  There is no excuse to not eat these delicious things when they are all cut, washed, packaged and ready to go.

Another thing that I have done is plan out things that I am going to do (as far as eating options goes) this weekend because I have a jam packed schedule.

Saturday- Ron's brother's birthday party.  This is a challenge.  I don't know what his mom is making to eat, so I will have to play that by ear and try and make decisions according to what is offered ( I am not publicly telling people about this weight loss journey until the results start showing up, so I don't want to tell her about it or offend her for not eating what she has prepared).

Sunday- Breakfast with friends.  I already looked at the menu and have decided what I am ordering.  So, I have dodged that bullet.  Lunch is going to be spent at the apple orchard with friends and we are having lunch there.  I called to see what they offered and it turns out that they have grilled chicken sandwiches, so I will probably have that and an apple.  The evening is going to be spent with one of my best friends baking fall goodies.  I know, i know, you are probably wondering how I am going to avoid over-indulging in these baked goods.  I LOVE to cook and bake, but I enjoy bringing it to people even more than eating it, so I plan on bringing all the goods to work.

Wish me luck!  Wait for an update on Sunday to see how the weekend goes.