Versatile Blogger Award!

A big thanks to Vicky from Getting Fit for giving me the versatile blogger award!  It is nice to get an award to brighten your day and remember what you are working towards.

When you are given this award you are supposed to list 7 things about yourself and then pass on the award to 10 fellow bloggers. Apparently some people do not enjoy getting awards, so sorry if I give one to you and you don't like them.

1) I've never been to Iowa and it borders the state I live in.

2) I ended my relationship with soda 4 weeks ago and have never felt better.

3) I am allergic to fish and coconut.

4) I lived in Italy for 6 months and loved every second of it.

5) I was the 6th grade spelling bee champion.

6) I am going to go grad school next fall.

7) I am really excited to conquer this journey during the holiday months.

I'm passing this award on to:

Shanilie at Losing Over Half of Me
Whitney at Slimming Down for the Gown
Alissa at A Journey to Thin
Kelly at Life in the Fat Lane
Kenz at All the Weigh
Lyn at Escape from Obesity
Kati at The Great Balancing Act of a 24 Year Old
Stacy at Stacy's Weight Loss Blog
Tim at Fat. Boy. Thin
Jessica at See How She Runs

A few other comments/notes about today...

1. A very long battle that has been going on in my family is finally over and I feel sadness and peace at the same time.  I am so beyond happy to move on, but moving on means letting go completely and although I feel ready for that it still makes me slightly emotional and sad.

2.  Yesterday was my nieces birthday and I went to her house to wish her happy birthday and there was spaghetti and a princess cake and there was slight temptation, but I remained strong.  I passed on everything, ate some fruit and veggies and went home to eat my healthy meal.  We also had a Halloween Nacho-bar potluck at work today.  Last year I made AMAZING queso with more cheese than can be imagined.  I was asked to make it again this year and I was a little bit nervous.  In the past I have made"exceptions" to eat poorly on holidays, birthdays and special events, so it would not have been out of the ordinary for me to choose to do this.  I am really, really trying hard at this losing weight battle and I didn't want to compromise my results this early in the game.  Last night I made my own healthy mexican pizza that I ate during the potluck and it was great.  Sure, I can honestly say that I didn't miss the other food at all.

3. Final thing for the day is... I have been wanting to try the Forever 21 Plus size line Faith 21 for quite some time now, but when I googled it one day I found all of these negative comments about the sizing.  I looked at their website and found the size guidelines and noticed that a 3x was a 17-18 and thought eeek, there is no way that will fit me.  I have been looking online at their clothes for weeks and finally today I went to the mall to look at the selection.  The closest mall to me is Mall of America, so their selection is HUGE, which I know is not the case in every mall.  I found dozens of things that I loved.  A lot of it I looked at and thought there is no way that will fit me.  Not now, maybe later?  I found two skirts and a sequined tank top that I had to have.  I figured I would take them home and have a reward when I reached one of my smaller goals and was able to fit into them.  I got home and thought I would try them on quick just to see how much they didn't fit, so that I knew how long it would be before I could wear the items comfortably.  Well..... ALL 3 ITEMS FIT!!!! Super cute, trendy clothes for a reasonable price in smaller sizes than I am used to and they fit?  Amazing.  I might return the items and get a 2x just so that I have something to fight for and look forward to wearing around the holidays.

Things I have learned this weekend

1. When going out to lunch with friends one must ask the server about 10 questions about how a dish is prepared before ordering.  Case in point I ordered a bruschetta chicken salad this weekend and the ingredients were: romaine lettuce, spinach, rotisserie chicken, diced tomatoes with a light balsamic glaze and bread.  I asked for the dressing on the side, no bread and wanted to make sure the tomatoes were not drizzled with butter or salt.  The dish came out and it was COVERED in parmesan cheese.  The bread was there, but I gave it to my friends immediately.  It took me about 10 minutes to get the majority of the parmesan cheese off of the dish before I could start eating it. It was very good, but I have learned my lesson that I need to ask more questions about the food that I am ordering.

2. I need to have a better plan in tact for weekends when I have a jam packed schedule.  I am trying to eat every 3 hours or so to keep my metabolism going.  This is generally breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and occasionally a snack after dinner if I have worked out.  Well this weekend I had a lot going on and I didn't enough snacks with me, so I found myself very hungry and slightly crabby.  I didn't make poor choices, but I need to work on being more prepared and having my snacks on hand at all times.

3. Having support is extremely helpful to lose weight.  I feel like I am standing on the rooftops telling everyone what I am doing and what my plan is so that the people around me understand how important this is to me and so that they can hold me accountable.  Ultimately, I am accountable to myself as this is my journey, but it is nice to let people know so that I don't find myself thinking it is okay to have a cheat day every weekend.

4. I need to re-train myself to cook.  I grew up eating comfort foods. We ate a diet of meat, potatoes and a vegetable, which wasn't totally un-healthy, but it could have been a lot more healthy.  I love to cook and I need to get some new recipes in my collection so that I feel like I have options and am not just eating the same thing over and over again.

5. I need to keep my purse closed at all times.  I lost my digital camera for about a half a day, but it has been found and I am beyond thankful.  I guess Ron was right when he told me about 50 times that I need to start closing my purse, so I don't lose things.

6. I attended an EXCELLENT weight loss seminar and I learned for every 6 grams of carbohydrates you consume it is the equal of 1 tsp of sugar as far as your body is concerned.  YIKES!  So at the beginning of this journey I bought some frozen meals that we all know about and think isn't too bad for us, and while it isn't worse than getting fast food it is still not the best option.  Two of the three that I chose had 71 grams of carbohydrates in them.  That is a lot of sugar!  I will be donating those to someone at work.  I also learned that eating whole foods is better than boxed, processed crap (okay, I already knew that, but I learned just how bad it is for us and I am trying to do everything I can to buy all natural, organic and whole foods when I can.

7.  I learned that I am not alone in this journey.  Almost everyone who I spoke this weekend about my weight loss journey told me something that they have been working on as well or things that are difficult for them.  This is everyone from my very thin friends to people who also attended the seminar.  It is nice to know that other people are struggling with their weight and body images as well and that I am not alone.

8.  I learned the importance of being more positive and less negative towards myself.  I consider myself a pretty positive person and I think that I come off that way to my family and friends.  I am not so kind to myself and need to work on my relationship with myself a little more during this journey.  As one of the speakers this weekend said, I am so sick of people saying, "I hate my body.  I hate everything about it.  Why is it that you HATE your body?  Does it not function for you?  Does it not let you live another day?  Does it not let you enjoy your senses and breath in and out?  Don't hate your body.  Just have certain things that you want to work on."  So, I am going to try and be my biggest cheerleader.  I am the only one who can control my weight loss journey and it won't help to beat myself up the entire way.

Permanent Weight Loss

WARNING: This is a long post, I apologize.  I promise they won't all be this long. :)

This afternoon I was browsing some sites online looking for some inspiration for meals,
workouts and just healthy living tips in general and I found an article that I really like on
  Eating Well website which is about tips for permanent weight loss.  This whole thing
that I am working on is not a diet.  A diet is often times  most of the time a temporary
thing.  This is a lifestyle change and is something that I want to be permanent.  A way of
 life, something that I do daily without even thinking about it because it is as habitual as
 brushing my teeth and taking a shower.  I know that this website often uses the word
diet, which is probably because for some people it is just that, but for me it is something
much different.

I read this article several times today to soak it all in and that is when I decided I wanted
 to blog about it and to discuss out loud where I think I fall for each of these steps.  My
 comments follow each step in the purple font.  Make sure you check out the full article
 on the website that is linked above.

Step 1. Make Sure You’re Ready for Change

Of course you want to lose weight—that’s why you are reading this—but in order to make a
 life plan you can stick with, you must be ready—truly ready—to make the commitment.
Losing weight will take some time and effort, and it will require you to make some sacrifices.
(If it were easy, everyone would be thin!) The first step is to make sure you’re ready to get
started. Read more.

The first thing that popped into my head when I read this was, "is anyone ever ready
 for this?"  I know that seems awfully pessimistic, but it is not supposed to sound that 
way.  What I mean is making changes in your life is hard, having willpower is hard, 
working out is hard, BUT being fat is really hard, so what it comes down to is 
choosing your "hard".  I have chosen the "hard" that is committing to change my 
eating habits and lifestyle (not being a lazy blob) to benefit my health. 

Step 2. Set Goals

The next step on your weight-loss journey is to decide what kind of weight loss makes
sense for you. Weigh in, assess your eating habits and make a game plan. That will
 include long-term goals and more immediate goals too. Read more.

When I read this step I was very encouraged because this is one of the first things
 that I did.  When I sat down and made a list of my goals I became even more
 committed to this and even more driven to lose this weight that weighs me down.  
I have made some personal goals that I have not shared and I have made some
 goals that are outlined on the pages of this blog so that others can see what I am
 working towards. I do need to make some smaller goals and also some NON FOOD
 rewards that I can look forward to along this journey.  

Step 3. Track Yourself

Self-awareness is self-motivation: by keeping track of your behavior, you motivate
yourself to change because you become more accountable. Track yourself with a food
diary and exercise log—some of the most powerful tools for managing your weight.
Read more.

I am tracking my every step and every morsel that goes into my mouth.  I have
an exercise/weight lifting log as well as the wonderful resources at The Daily Plate
to help me track my calories and keep my sodium, fat and carbohydrate levels 
consistent.   

Step 4. Eat Mindfully

Healthy eating means getting a variety of foods in moderation—not making any food
forbidden, but not going overboard on those rich foods that were once
special-occasion indulgences. Eat mindfully by knowing the foods that make weight
loss easier, and understanding key healthy-eating principles. Read more.

I remember when I started a weight loss journey 4 years ago that I reward 
weight loss with food that I missed.  I am not doing that.  I am allowing myself 
anything that I want in moderation.  If I say NO fries all I will want is fries, fries, 
fries, BUT on that same note it is important to watch my daily intakes and still 
stay on track with my calories, fat, sodium and carbohydrates.  I can't justify 
french fries today, a little bit of chinese tomorrow, mexican food this weekend.  
It is moderation AND frequency that matter. 

Step 5. Commit to Move More

Exercise makes weight loss much easier—but more important, people who move
more are more likely to keep the pounds off. No matter where you’re at now, you
can become “an exercise person.” Read more.

I can honestly say that this is the hardest part for me.  I have all the willpower
in the world to avoid cakes, fried food, etc, but when it comes to working out
I just plain don't LOVE it.  I have come to the realization that I LIKE working out, 
which is actually a huge step for me. As my brother in law Mike said today you 
will eventually love it once you see some more results and get used to working
out often.  I am sure he is right, but for now I LIKE the thought of doing it, but
I must say I LOVE how I feel afterwards. 

Step 6. Get Support

Losing weight is challenging—we can’t expect to do it alone. As you make your way
through losing weight, you’ll need to cultivate a network of friends, family, co-workers,
professionals and like-minded dieters.Read more.

I have told pretty much everyone I know about my plans (except for my Mom, but 
that will come as soon as results start to show up).  I have sent my sisters
subscriptions to my blog, I have told my co-workers, my boyfriend, other family
members, etc.  I want people to know that I am working towards something and
I want them to see how committed I am.  I also have paid for six personal training
and six nutrition classes with a registered dietician.

Step 7. Have a Long-Term Plan

As you reach your weight-loss goals, you’re ready for the final step: creating a long-term
strategy that will help your successes stick for good. Read more.

This one is definitely still a work in progress.  I am attending a conference this
weekend and have plans to tap into all of the resources that I can to make this 
a PERMANENT lifestyle and not something that will find me back at this same
terrible spot in years to come. I'm heading to the gym in building to get some
cardio in and then calling it a night.

The EatingWell Diet. Copyright 2007 by Eating Well, Inc. Published by The
Countryman Press, P.O. Box 748, Woodstock, VT 05091. 

The beginning of the end...

Originally Posted 7/13/2010 9:19 PM CDT

Today is the day that I have decided that I can't take looking (or not looking at myself) any longer.  I a 23 years old and I have spent my life avoiding mirrors and living in denial of what I really look like. I have always loved the Picasso photo that is shown in this blog because it shows insecurities that woman see that may not exist.  I however, do not look in mirrors and see imperfections.  Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing something that isn't there I choose not to look in the mirror and pretend that things aren't there.  If I don't look in the mirror that extra belly fat isn't there, right? If I don't look in the mirror I won't see that my face is getting rounder and my waist is getting bigger.  The only mirror that I currently use is a handheld mirror to put make up on.  Let's be honest it is hard to NOT look good when you're looking at only four inches of yourself at a time.

I dread taking pictures with people and I loathe when people take photos of me without my knowledge.  In an age of facebook and picture phones it is hard to avoid the camera's lens and not have pictures taken with people.  I went to a cabin this weekend with my closest high school friends and I can't believe that I even put a swimsuit on.  Luckily, no one got a picture of me in my swim suit, however there were plenty of other pictures that people managed to capture of me that did not paint a pretty picture of my current image.  As soon as the emails started pouring in that I was being tagged in photos from this weekend I logged into facebook and immediately started on a de-tagging spree.  As if that actually helps a whole lot since people will still see the pictures and most of them know who I am.

I have been overweight since I was 5 years old. I lost about 70 pounds almost 4 years ago before embarking on a study abroad trip to Italy.  I kept the weight off for about a year, but italian food is not friendly to the waistline and neither is turning 21.  Needless to say I have gained all of the weight back and probably even more. It saddens me to look at the pictures from my trip and wonder how I could have gotten back to this place. How could I let myself go?

Rather than continuing to go on about my current state of affairs I have decided that I am going to lose the weight once and for all.  I am going to do it for me, because if I don't o it for myself than it isn't much worth doing it. I know that it will be tough and that some days it will seem like I can't go on, but I will try everything in power to succeed in this endeavor so that I can live a healthy lifestyle and cross of some the many goals that I have always wanted to accomplish. 

My plan is to blog the good the bad and the ugly of the weight loss journey in hopes that I inspire myself to keep going and maybe help someone else along the way.  I am going to track my food intake and my daily fitness regime as well as blog about my emotions, goals and feelings during this process.  Here goes nothing and everything at the same time.