Hate-Loss Challenge Update Week 3

Throughout this challenge I have spent time thinking about what I want to talk about the next week for my H-L update.  This week I posted about getting a compliment from a co-worker and how much that means to me and how it truly motivates me to keep going and helps me stay on track. 

I would like to think of myself as someone who gives out compliments when they are deserved.  I don't like to over compliment because then it may seem insincere.  I know that I compliment people I work with for doing a good job and my family and friends if they have done something well, such as getting into grad school or getting a promotion.

It used to be hard for me to compliment people who have lost weight.  More than likely this was because I was jealous.  If someone lost weight I would pretend like I hadn't noticed and if someone else complimented them in front of me I occasionally chimed in, but generally just continued on as if I hadn't noticed.  This is rude and shows that I was so insecure with myself and the fact that I couldn't lose weight that the jealousy of someone else losing weight the right way made me sick with envy.  It is a terrible, horrible thing that is hard for me to even say.  Why was it easy for me to say congrats on your engagement, but not say wow you look great, have you lost some weight? 

On that same note, when I was not actively being healthy or trying to lose weight I would not watch shows like (Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club or anything relating to fitness).  I would turn weight loss commercials, I would change the radio station if a gym or weight loss commercial came on.  I was in denial.  I was in pure, disgusting denial of my situation and wanted no one and nothing to pull me out of it.  It is hard for me to even admit it or talk about it really.  It is such an embarrassing thing to know that you need to change, but ignoring all of the help that people offer you and all of the warning signs. 

So, now that I have laid it all out there, I am going to tell you what I have learned and how I plan to avoid this negative behavior in the future.  First of all, I am much better about complimenting people.  I will say that I think it is easier to compliment others if you are happy yourself.  I am happy with the direction my life is headed and thus I am more apt to notice positive things in other peolpe's lives as well. As far as the part about avoiding fitness and health related stuff, I am a lot better.  I am more aware of myself and my eating habits and I know the neccesity of losing weight.

I will be the first one to admit that I am still a work in progress.  It has only been a month since I looked at myself for the first time in probably 6 years in a full length mirror.  I don't have all of the answers and sometimes I can be too hard on myself.  I know what I need to do and for the first time in my life I can say proudly that I know I will do it.  I am working on starting the positive talk about my behaviors and actions and then eventually working towards being able to say positive things to myself and really mean it.  I want to be able to look at myself and be proud of how I look and what I have been able to accomplish.  I don't want to be in denial, jealous or full of envy.  I want to be realistic, satisfied and have good will.