Originally Posted 7/13/2010 9:19 PM CDT
Today is the day that I have decided that I can't take looking (or not looking at myself) any longer. I a 23 years old and I have spent my life avoiding mirrors and living in denial of what I really look like. I have always loved the Picasso photo that is shown in this blog because it shows insecurities that woman see that may not exist. I however, do not look in mirrors and see imperfections. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing something that isn't there I choose not to look in the mirror and pretend that things aren't there. If I don't look in the mirror that extra belly fat isn't there, right? If I don't look in the mirror I won't see that my face is getting rounder and my waist is getting bigger. The only mirror that I currently use is a handheld mirror to put make up on. Let's be honest it is hard to NOT look good when you're looking at only four inches of yourself at a time.
I dread taking pictures with people and I loathe when people take photos of me without my knowledge. In an age of facebook and picture phones it is hard to avoid the camera's lens and not have pictures taken with people. I went to a cabin this weekend with my closest high school friends and I can't believe that I even put a swimsuit on. Luckily, no one got a picture of me in my swim suit, however there were plenty of other pictures that people managed to capture of me that did not paint a pretty picture of my current image. As soon as the emails started pouring in that I was being tagged in photos from this weekend I logged into facebook and immediately started on a de-tagging spree. As if that actually helps a whole lot since people will still see the pictures and most of them know who I am.
I have been overweight since I was 5 years old. I lost about 70 pounds almost 4 years ago before embarking on a study abroad trip to Italy. I kept the weight off for about a year, but italian food is not friendly to the waistline and neither is turning 21. Needless to say I have gained all of the weight back and probably even more. It saddens me to look at the pictures from my trip and wonder how I could have gotten back to this place. How could I let myself go?
Rather than continuing to go on about my current state of affairs I have decided that I am going to lose the weight once and for all. I am going to do it for me, because if I don't o it for myself than it isn't much worth doing it. I know that it will be tough and that some days it will seem like I can't go on, but I will try everything in power to succeed in this endeavor so that I can live a healthy lifestyle and cross of some the many goals that I have always wanted to accomplish.
My plan is to blog the good the bad and the ugly of the weight loss journey in hopes that I inspire myself to keep going and maybe help someone else along the way. I am going to track my food intake and my daily fitness regime as well as blog about my emotions, goals and feelings during this process. Here goes nothing and everything at the same time.
