Worst time of the day



I am not a morning person, so you would probably think that the worst time of the day for me would be 6:00 a.m. when my alarm goes off.  While that is true, the worst time of the day for me is by far the evening after work.  Monday through Friday 8-4:30 I am the queen of healthy eating.  I avoid bad foods at work all day, I make sure I eat my healthy meals and snacks and I drink a ton of water.  When the clock strikes 5:00 and I am almost home it is like a switch turns on. 

There are advertisements on the radio for food.

There is a basket of candy for treak or treaters at my house.

There is a bag of nacho cheese doritos in my cupboard.

There is a coupon for chinese food in my mailbox.

There is my brain telling me that one night of deliciousness can't really be that bad...

So what did I do?  Radio turned off.  Basket of candy put on a high shelf out of sight.  Doritios doused in water and vinegar and thrown away.  Coupon straight into the shredder.  Open up my computer and read some weight loss articles and success stories to remind my brain what the goal is.

Dramatic?  Not really.  It may seem to an outsider that I should just be able to avoid it all, but I am not there right now.  I am at the point where I have to get it away from me or else I will convince myself that one night off track is okay.  I have to get it away from me to reach my goal.  I have to keep going with my 8-4:30 in order to make this weight loss a success.  Does anyone else struggle with this?  Does anyone else have to remove temptation from right under their nose for fear that they will eat an entire basket of candy or bag of chips?  It drives me crazy.  I am happy that I am working through some of these issues with a counselor and I hope that one day soon I can have those things around me and eat them in moderation or avoid them completely, but I am just not there right now.

Right now it is 8:33 a.m. and I am eating a banana and oatmeal and it feels as though the world is my oyster.  I feel like I can accomplish anything.  Like I can resist all temptation.  I plan to ride this feeling out and hope that when 5:00 strikes I am one day closer to kicking these feelings to the curb.

Overcoming the morning craving

Today I got to work and I didn't want to make my usual breakfast sandwich.  I was kind of sick and tired of this egg/soy sausage breakfast sandwich and I just wasn't in the mood for it.  I know how important breakfast is, so I knew I needed to eat something.  I was already at work so my options were very limited. 


We happen to have a store at work that sells pop, snacks, chips and some breakfast items.  Almost nothing in the store is a healthy option, which makes shopping there a little tough.  They do have a package of muffins that is really tasty.  You get two mini muffins and they are moist and delicious!  I was sitting here for an hour and thinking about them the entire time.  I walked back there to purchase them and I looked at the nutrition facts right away.  This is my new thing that I do.  I look at the nutrition facts from top to bottom and THEN I decide whether or not I am going to buy it.  Thankfully I came to my senses and realized that this was NOT  a sensible lunch at all.

Mini-muffins.

Capri sun, mini donuts, ramen, fruit cup and mac and cheese.  All bad options, except for the fruit if you drained the syrup.

My weak spot.  CHIPS!  There are some baked options, so kudos to that!

Tons and tons of soda pop.  I am really trying hard to not have any.  Sometimes I will have a diet coke.

I made a bowl of oatmeal and ate my banana.  It was not what I wanted to eat at all.  It wasn't very comforting or tasty.  It was however, nutritious and satisfying in the sense that I know it will keep me full until lunch and it won't leave me with regret.  So, oatmeal and banana wins for breakfast and first craving, urge, desire to fall off of said wagon for the day has been controlled.

oatmeal and banana.  My friends in weight loss and guilt free eating.

Moving on to my next topic.  My weight loss journey.  I have continued to lose every week, but not the numbers that I would like to see.  I know that I could be exercising more and also eating better all the time rather than most of the time.  I think I have decided that I am going to join Weight Watchers.  As much as I can say that I hold myself accountable until I am blue in the face there is nothing more accountable than knowing that someone else will weigh you once a week.  I think it will help me stay even more focused and even more on track. So, what do you guys think?  Who loves WW?  Anything I should know before I do it?

Shedding for the Wedding

We have all heard it before... Don't go shopping when you're hungry, don't go when it's really busy, avoid the middle aisles at all costs.

I must have learned my lesson because last night was a very successful trip to the grocery store.  We stocked up on produce and lean meats and only got one bag of chips eat (baked for me) which is honestly hard to do.  Letting me loose in the chip aisle is similar to letting a grizzly bear out in front of a grill of delicious meats.  Chips are my total weakness.  Truth be told- I once went to the grocery store and bought 6 bags of chips in one trip.  I am not proud about it.  It was not one of my finer moments. 

So, after we got $175 worth of deliciousness and healthy goodness we went home and made lunch, which was a simple sandwich, veggies and fruit spread.  Sometimes it is nice to just have a no-frills lunch.

After lunch I was off to the thrift store.  My new favorite place in the world.  In the past 2 months I have found many treasures at my local thrift store.  I was searching for some unique glassware to try a DIY project for the wedding.  I found a bunch of stuff that was 39 cents and some of it was even half off of that.  When I got home Ron had already mowed the lawn and we were ready to begin our first of MANY DIY wedding projects.

So our wedding is next October and our theme- if that is what you call it- is kind of an elegant Tuscan Romance.  We want it to overall feel elegant and glamorous with touches of tuscan old world charm.  Our colors are plum, gold and moss green.  The bridesmaid dress color shown below is our purple color. 

 

Okay, so moving on to our little prject.. I love the look of gold mercury glasses, but they are CRAZY expensive.  So I found a DIY mercury glass technique on a bridal blog, so I figured that I would give it a shot.  I have heard that it is kind of a long process and it definitely is.  The problem that I am having is that it ends up looking more silver than gold.  We are hoping for more of a silver look rather than gold, so I am not sure if we should just scrap the whole thing and use plain votives.  What do you think?

The first three are our votives that we DIY'd and the fourth one is actual mercury glass.

I think they look pretty good, I am just not sure that they are what we are looking for.  I need some guidance... good thing I am seeing my mom this weekend!

So how is the weight loss going?  This is a weight loss blog right!?  The weight loss is moving along.  I haven't had a gain since the beginning of June.  This last week the loss was smaller than I would like at around 1 pound, but it wasn't a gain.  The only thing that bugs me is that I know that I didn't do my best last week and I still lost 1 pound, so that makes me feel like, "C'MON Shannon! If you can give a mediocre effort and lose 1 pound, what can happen when you give it your all?  So, that is my plan.  I am really giving it my all this week and seeing what the payout is.  Hopefully that gives me the momentum I need to keep it going well into fall and winter!

Today is a perfect example of, "Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail."  I was running late this morning and I almost didn't take the time to pack my breakfast and lunch.  I threw some healthy stuff in a bag and headed to work.  On my way into work I remembered that it was a co-worker's birthday.  What does that mean?  FOOD.  Blah, temptation, don't you hate it!?  So, I made the decision before I even set foot in the door to stay on track and avoid the food.  I have seen it exactly three times this morning and I have walked away exactly three times.  Success is planning!

Brownies and sugar cookies don't taste as good as feeling great on my wedding day will!

The Underdogs

My nephew was the 6th seed in a tournament of 8 teams and somehow last night they found themselves playing the championship game.  It is the ultimate comeback story that everyone loves to see.  I was sitting outside in the blistering heat and humidity yesterday watching these 8 year old boys play their hearts out on both teams and conducting themselves in a fashion that most adults don't even practice. 

My nephews team ultimately got second place, but they were ecstatic!  The parents, coaches and fans were all so excited to see how far this team had come.  It really was impressive considering at the beginning of the season we were lucky to have every 6th kid actually hit a ball.

When I was watching the end of the game I was astonished to see what great sportsmanship both teams had and how genuine their "good game" handshakes were.  There was no bitterness, no blaming others for mistakes and no pouting.  To say that I was impressed was an under statement.  These 8 year old boys had more respect and tact than I had ever seen before.  They played hard, they celebrated hard and they won or lost respectfully.

You may ask yourself what this has to do with weight loss.  Well, the answer for me is that sometimes I get so discouraged when I workout with others or see them progressing further than me.  I would say that at times I am even jealous or envious of them and their accomplishements.  I find myself discouraged, making excuses and finding reasons why weight loss must be easier for them. 

After the game yesterday my sister had us all over for a BBQ and I really started to think about the boys and their performances and how they were the underdogs and somehow they came back against all odds.  I want to be the person that overcomes my weight against all odds.  I want to keep pushing and keep learning and never give up.  I want to stop making excuses and start making choices.  I want to say more, "I can" and "I will" and less, "next time" and "someday".  I am only the underdog in this weight loss journey if I allow myself to be one.  I can be just as successful as anyone else trying to lose weight.  I can come back from this and I am working towards that goal.  One day, one work out and one smart choice at a time.

(Wo)Man Vs. Food

This is my 100th post.  It is a combination of my feelings on a really bad day and my feelings now.  What you see below is a description of how I felt last Sunday evening.  I was two seconds away from getting horribly back off track again.  I decided I was going to start blogging about it.  I wrote down everything I was feeling at the time and I saved it on my blog and didn't publish it.  I went back and looked at it several times this week and just thought about it some more.  I will let you read it and then I will attempt to make sense of my food feelings.  So, here it goes...


This afternoon I made a huge mistake.  I was watching TV in my room.  I had just had a delicious healthy snack of hummus veggies and some cracker crisps.  I was watching trashy mindless TV shows because I had already worked out and cleaned the house and I was just taking some much needed "me" time.


I ran out of shows to watch, so I started to scan the channels searching for something else to occupy my time.  I ended up stopping at Man vs. Food.  He was in Philadelphia and was on his typical spree to find the biggest, greasiest most delicious food that he could.  I was intrigued.  I have never been to Philadelphia.  Maybe I want to go there?  Hmmm, what do they have to eat that is so special.  I watched the entire program.


As the show ended I sat there thinking to myself.  I want some french fries.  I NEED some french fries.  Or maybe some Nachos?  Salty chips could be good too.  If have the salt though I am going to need the sweet. Dairy queen has a brownie batter blizzard.  I love that slice of chocolate cake from the bakery down the street.  I became obsessed with thinking about food.  Maybe I could just have a small fry.  Or a few chips and some chocolate. Or better yet, maybe I could just "take the night off" .  Weekends are meant to be bad.  One bad night won't matter in the big picture.


LIES.  It is all a great big lie.  I want the chips and the fries and the chocolate.  I can't have them.  It kills me that I do not yet have the willpower right now to eat unhealthy foods in moderation.  I am not strong enough to only have one or two.  I know that I am only one fast food run away from a binge.  If I get a bag of chips I will eat them all in one sitting.  I could eat a whole piece of cake no problem, with no guilt.


I hate that food is such a problem for me.  I know if losing weight was easy everyone would be skinny.  I get it.  It is really hard.  It is hard for me.  I want to be healthy.  I want to lose weight, to be thin. I want  so bad, but I want it to not be so hard.  I know at the end of this when I look back on these struggles I will think that it was all worth it.  That I went through all of those hard times to finally get to the end of this battle.

Last night was another "close call".  I got home from work and was about to make dinner when I got sidetracked.  All of a sudden it was 7:15 and I hadn't eaten dinner.  The thought of Wendy's was haunting me.  I grabbed my keys and my wallet and I got in my car.  I decided that Wendy's was bad, I should get something else.  I should go to Subway.  Then I thought, "McDonalds is across from Subway... maybe I could just get a four piece chicken nugget and a small fry."  I drove past the Golden Arches and parked at Subway.  I ordered a sandiwch.  I got baked chips.  I got in my car dreading driving past the Golden Arches again.  I thought about the french fries again.  I kept driving.  I got home and as I pulled in my garage I literally said out loud, "that was close."  It was.  Too close, but yet I am not writing to you to tell you that I have fallen off plan.  I am here to say that I am human.  I am here to say that my willpower is not always iron clad, but it is growing stronger everyday.  It gets easier everyday.


Right now I am in a back and forth battle with food and with myself.  Right now is really just the beginning of a long road.  Right now I am stronger than I was yesterday, but not as strong as I will be tomorrow. Right now I have lost 7 pounds this week.  Right now I feel the fire.  Right now I am in control of my life, my body, my weight and it feels GOOD!

So, this is me right now.  On my 100th post I am still 20 pounds down (27 if you count my new 7 pounds) from  my first post, but I have many pounds to go.  So, thanks to all of you for reading and supporting me through my many ups and downs.  Sometimes, the support that I get from all of you helps me to keep going when I just want to quit.  As a thank you I am going to give away two Target gift cards.  All you have to do is comment on this post about why you like to read my blog.  I will accept comments until 8:00 a.m. on Monday June 27th.  At that time I will pick a winner, conatact you for your address and mail you your gift card. :)  Easy peasy.  No more posts until Monday.  Happy weekend!                                  

Clothing Motivation

I have been buying smaller sized clothing for 3 months now.  I wasn't really eating well when I bought most of the clothes, but I always had good intentions of starting on Monday, or next week, or after the holidays.....


So, I have clothing that is too big, just right, too small and way to small.  It is now serving as one of my big motivators (besides my upcoming wedding).  I don't dress the way I want to dress because I don't look the way I want to look.  Yes, I am the same person who posted this post "Dressing for the Body You Have" a few months ago.  I do mean everything I said back then.  I think you should dress the body that you have, not the one that you used to have or want to have.


In a general sense I don't dress awful.  I try to wear things that fit at the time and make the best of it.  However, the majority of the clothes that I am drawn to are not in my size or I am not willing to wear them at my current size.  It can make things really difficult.  I feel like a fashionista that is trapped in a fat body.  I read many blogs about people who are curvy and they all dress so well and are so confident with their bodies.  I think that is AMAZING!  I on the other hand am not content with the body that I have right now.   I am looking forward to the body that can wear these items below.  


I apologize that the picture quality is so poor, it is taken from my phone as my camera is MIA right now.

Navy dress with unique back straps from Forever 21+

Cute denim jumper from Forever 21+

Gorgeous skirt for the winter.  It has a nice shimmer to it that you can't see here.  Forever 21+

Fun dress for work or a special event.  Forever 21+

Fiance Boot Camp

I came home from work last night feeling better about being re-committed to weight loss, but I am also battling an awful sinus infection, so I was less than thrilled at the thought of working out or going on a walk.

I neglected to tell you yesterday that I had a mini break down of sorts on Tuesday night which resulted in me crying on Ron's shoulder and him pledging to help me get back on track and back in shape.  Let me just say that this is not the first time that my sweet fiance has agreed to help.  However, he is easily persuaded by me and in a general sense I wear the pants in this relationship, so I little hope that he was going to be my main source of accountability.

I got home and Ron was already here whipping up dinner (salad, corn, grilled chicken) and was all pumped up for our walk around the neighborhood.  I was kind of crabby from sitting in traffic and making excuses to just wait one more day before we start our "walk routine".  He wasn't having it at all.  He basically said, "put your tennis shoes on now, we are leaving!"

We got about 4 blocks from our house and I noticed that it seemed like we were on a mission.  Like Ron seemed to have a plan about where we were walking that I was not clued in on.  We were deep in conversation and enjoying the sunny 70 degree weather, so I didn't bother asking him what he was up to.  The next thing I know we are in front of Target.  I was SHOCKED that we had walked all the way to Target in less than 30 minutes.  We walked in and got what we needed and started our trek home.  

I am amazed by my fiance tonight and so thankful that he is really proving to be my rock.  He is not letting me give up this fight and most importantly he is not taking, "no" for an answer.  If this day is any indication of what the summer has in store then I am going to be well on my way to success come Labor Day!           

Spring Top Five's and My Go-To Lunch

Happy Thursday!  It is finally feeling like spring here in Minnesota!  It is in the 60's for the first time since last fall!  Yesterday on the radio they were talking about spring and someone said, "What does spring mean to you?"  This got me thinking and I decided to make a list of 5 things that spring means to me.

1. Being active outside.
       -I love to ride my bike, to go for walks and to just play around outside and after a hibernation-like winter I am ready to get out and enjoy the great outdoors once again.

2. Grilling!
       -There is probably nothing that I love more than grilling food on the grill outside.  All of the delicious veggies and lean proteins that I am going to make this spring/summer.  I can't wait!

3. Spring cleaning.
       -So, it is that time again to spring clean.  I am a relatively clean and organized person, so my house isn't usually too messy, but this year it is an absolute disaster!  I debated whether or not to show you pictures because it is that bad and I decided to show you so that you can see the kind of craziness I am living in right now and to also give me a push to get it done!

Entryway filled with boxes.

Dining room table filled with everything.

Wine rack covered with mail and a peek into the dreaded living room.

Piles of stuff to sell on craigslist/pack up.

What we have packed so far and things that are waiting to be packed.

Yikes!!!  I need to get my house back to normal!

4. Losing weight!
       -The winter is filled with cold and dreary weather.  It is dark when you leave for work and even darker when you get home.  It is hard to find motivation.  It is filled with holiday's and food.  It is bad my waistline and bad for my overall health.  I always find it easier to lose weight in the spring and summer because I am just so much more active and the food choices are lighter and more healthy.

5. Moving!
        -I was asked to compile a list of my past addresses for 10 years.  It turns out that I have lived in 8 different places in the past 10 years.  That translates to a lot of moving.  Usually I dread moving, but this year we are moving to our first house and I am overjoyed.  Even if it means that my life is pretty stressful and my house is a total mess!


On that note I am off to have lunch.  I am eating my standard go-to lunch today.  It is a half of a turkey sandwich with a half slice of mozzarella cheese.  An apple, 14 carrots and 25 baked cheetos.  What is your go-to lunch that you always like and eat when you're not feeling adventurous or creative?

My lunch with a giant glass of the good stuff... H2O!

Yummy!

Have a happy and healthy day!  I am making spaghetti quash for dinner!  Pictures will come later.

The Happiest Place on Earth and a Moment of Clarity

Hello everyone.  I am finally back from my vacation to Disney World and I had a great time!  The weather in Florida was sunny and about 75, which is perfect in my book.  We stayed at the Polynesian hotel and it was great!  They had a nice pool and a white sandy beach that made me feel like I was by the ocean even though it was a man made pool.  

The Polynesian hotel with a volcano water slide in the middle.

The worst part about the trip is also kind of the best part about the trip, but at the time it was just plain awful!  I got five blisters over the course of my time at Disney World.  All over my feet and they were ridiculously painful.  I guess I should have brought more comfortable shoes.  I had to put antibiotics on them, band-aids, moleskin and finally an ace bandage to be able to just walk semi-comfortably.  So that was not exactly the best, but we walked about 10 miles a day.  One day we even walked 13 miles.  I kid you not we walked all day everyday.  It was nice though to be always moving and feel like I was seeing all there was to see.  I got to see pretty much everything at Disney World including the Magic Kingdom and all its glory and Epcot and all of the nations within it.

The Magic Kingdom!

Epcot.

So, before I went on the trip I was having a lot of anxiety about how everything would go and just worrying about my size as it relates to fitting in a plane seat and being able to buckle myself on the various rides at Disney World.  I have to say that I am about 30 pounds smaller than I was last year at this time when I went to Hawaii and my experience on the plane was noticeably different.  Last year the belt barely buckled and I felt completely cramped in my seat.  Luckily my fiance was next to me on that flight, so we made it work.  This time on the airplane I fit into my seat just fine and had room to spare on my belt buckle.  I even sat next to a stranger on the way to Disney World and I was terrified of someone reporting that I was too big to fly next to them.  Luckily for me this didn't happen and I was able to even engage in conversation with my neighbor during the flight. 

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it feels to fit on a plane seat more comfortably and have room to spare in my belt buckle.  It is something that only someone who has been there before can truly understand.  For me it was a moment of clarity.  It was the push that I needed to say to myself, "look at what you CAN do!  You can fit in an airplane seat and you CAN lose this weight!"  I think that some people lose a little weight and they reward themselves in unhealthy ways (eating poorly, not working out, loosening up on their regime and I am the first to admit that I have been there before!  I am happy to report though that my eating was mostly in check on my trip and my spirits are better than ever.  I am a woman who has seen a change that is so moving for me that I am bound and determined to book my next flight in the middle seat.  YIKES!  Just as motivation for me to continue to lose weight and to keep up this hard work.  Losing weight is such a battle and can be so anxiety filled and I am just done with worrying about not fitting into a plane and worrying about not being able to buckle my belt on certain rides.  I am over it.  I want to be carefree about my weight.  I want to be able to sit anywhere on a plane or in a car and not worry about fitting.  I want to go on my trip next year and sit in the middle seat and not spill out into anyone else's space and to buckle my belt, put down my tray table and bend over to grab my stuff stowed beneath the seat with ease and comfort.  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.  This is my mission and my goal.  My next blog post will be about my plan.  The actions behind the goals.  Because you are all talk if you don't make a plan!

I am going to leave you with a picture of me last year in Hawaii just one year ago and a picture of me now in Disney World.  I am changing and sometimes even though I can see it in an image it means more to see it in the form of an airplane seat.

This is Ron and I in Hawaii last year.  March 2010.

This is Ron and I at Disney World.  March 2011.

Mini Goal and My dress vision

Hello!  Happy Friday!  I hope everyone has a fun weekend planned.  I am jet setting to Florida tomorrow, so I will be on a brief hiatus, but I wanted to leave you all with some updates before I leave.  When I get back I will have some give-away's and will be back to my regular posting of a few times a week rather than once a week. 


So, onto the news in my life... I have worked out every day this week.  I haven't done that in a long, long time.  I now that it is a small thing to many, but it is such a big thing for me.  My motivation was at an all time low.  I was feeling totally hopeless about my weight loss situation and for some reason getting back into gear was reallty hard for me.  I am proud to say that I have lost 2 pounds this week (since Sunday).  I have worked out every day and I have eaten very, very well!  I am so excited about getting back on track and moving forward from this stalled point that I was at.


Another update is that after buying around 100 (okay, maybe not THAT many) bridal magazines I have found the style that I like.  I will post pictures later for you all to look at.  I realized that I am more romantic than I thought I was and tend to gravitate towards A-line or ball gown (not too dramatic, not puffy or ridiculous) style dresses.  I also realized that I really like silk organza and tulle when it is used in moderation and in a unique pattern or texture.  I also know that I want the dress itself to be free of embellishments and I want to do a really beautiful belt around the waist.  I love the dress that Chelsea Clinton wore and am thinking I will get something like that.  Check out the picture below courtesy of Jamie Lee Events.


 


Alright, I am off to Florida.  I hope I don't get sun-burnt.  I hope that I get to see Minnie!  Have a safe, healthy week!

Struggles

Hello blog friends...  I have once again had an absence of longer than I would like.  I have been having a rough time lately with losing weight and with everything else going on in my life (parent's divorce, getting engaged, planning a wedding, buying a house, going on vacation, etc.)  I feel like I have just had a lot of things going on lately and a lot of stress.  I had been taking on too much, stretching myself too thin and not doing the right things for my mental or physical health.


I know that I need to just get back in the groove and make it my life.  I know that I need to worry less and work out more.  I know I need to be conscious of everything that I put in my body and I also know that I need to talk to someone not in my family, not a  friend and not my fiance about some of my life's stresses and finding a better way to manage them.  I know that I need to just work through these problems rather than to let them fester inside for so long.  I know that I am once again moving in the right direction.  I think the most important thing that I have learned is that it isn't enough to have a personal trainer and a dietician to lose weight if you're not in the right frame of mind and if you're not working through issues and stresses that arise.  So, I am going to work on my mental and physical health and be the best overall person that I can be.  I am a work in progress, but at least I am working on it.

6 Things Sunday

1.  I hope everyone had a happy holiday!
2.  I did pretty good with my eating this week.  I did have some of my mom's famous caramel rolls that I only get once a year and a few glasses of wine.  I didn't veer too off course, but I did allow myself to enjoy some things that only come once a year.  Was I as good as I have been? NO!  Was I completely out of control?  No. I just need to be honest with all of you and myself that I enjoyed my holiday without stuffing myself to the gills or depriving myself.  I was somewhere in the middle.  Usually I am bloated and want to puke I am so full, so I thought I did well.
3.  I got a Wii Fit and Just Dance for Christmas!!  So excited to start using them soon!
4.  I'm going to Disney World!!! My future in-laws are taking all of us to Disney World in March.  I have been there before, but not since I was 8, so I am excited to go again!!
5.  I just went to Target and Pier 1 and got $300 worth of stuff for about $100.  Success.
6.  I am so, so, so excited to get completely back on track, into a groove, don't have parties to go to, cookies to bake, dinners to eat, drinks to sip... you get it.  I love the holiday's but I have had my fill and now I am ready to make the rest of 2010 and the New Year a huge weight loss, healthy living, feel amazing about my body year :)

Must-Have Monday-Newbie's

Today, I met a friend for happy hour at the restaurant Crave in the new trendy area of the twin cities known as the West End.  I had not seen this friend in a year and a half, which is always a good bad feeling for me. On one hand I am ecstatic to catch up with my friend that I haven't seen in a long time and on the other hand I am always nervous about what they think I look like (in comparison to the last time they saw me, as in I hope I am not bigger than I was before).

I am also nervous to tell people that I am eating healthy and not drinking.  This is not because I am afraid that I won't have willpower, but it is because I don't want to make other people feel bad for their drink and food choices because I am choosing to live a certain way.  So far it has NOT been an issue.  I am actually not sure what I am afraid of.  Is there a chance that someone would actually say, "You're eating HEALTHY!?! What a crock of sh**!"  No, people wouldn't say that even if they think that.  I have also found an interesting behavior pattern emerging.  My friends who are thin, healthy and active are totally understandable and supportive of my decisions, while it seems that some people who are heavy or who enjoy a poor diet are always saying things like, "you can't eat like a rabbit forever, you will fall of the wagon some day!"  I know, i know this is NOT rocket science.  Of course people who are overweight want people to eat like them because they want to continue to tell themselves that it is okay for them to eat that way.  As I was thinking about this in the car today all I could think was..... WOW!  This used to be me not that long ago.  I used to love when someone would say let's just veg out and eat snacks and lay around all day and order take out.  I used to be the person who I have now just figured out.  I have just foiled my past behaviors.  This was a mini break through of sorts for me.  I know that this journey is more than just changing my willpower and outlook on life.  It is more that just determination and hard work.  It is a large part about changing my behavior and how I look at food.  Losing weight is not just about what you put into your body, but also what you take out of it.  The bad thoughts, the negative images, the poor behaviors.  I am not where I want to be in a year, but I am better off than I was a year ago or yesterday for that matter.

Alright.... after that moment of personal growth I would like to start my first ever Must-Have Monday post.  I am going to post three things that I can't live without every week.  This is a time to give thanks and to spread the love. This week's focus is on new items that I have discovered.

1. Boca Crumbles- Honestly, I just discovered how amazing this product is and I am already trying to dream up things that I can cook with it.  I made a healthier take on Mexican pizza using this as the meat and it was FABULOUS!  I will post the recipe tomorrow.  It is NOT healthy as in as good for you as a salad, but it is a much healthier way to get a Mexican fix.

2. Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage.  They have many different flavors and they are all really good.  One sausage is about 100 calories and between 4.5 and  grams of fat.  This is obviously not as healthy as regular chicken breasts or other lean meats, but it is a nice change of scenery and good to have every once in awhile. They sell similar chicken sausages at many other grocery stores if you don't have a TJ's by you.

3. Pears- It doesn't mater which variety.  Pears are rocking my world as of late.  I am loving them and eating one a day it seems like.  They must be in season because they are relatively cheap right now and super delicious.