Are you bored with your food?

So, I found an amazing site that my best friend Stacie sent to me called EatBetterAmerica.  She works for General Mills and it is a site that uses many of their products.  I know that I have been in a sort of cooking rut lately and I wanted some new healthy recipes to add to my collection.  I have made several of the recipes featured on this site and they are all very good.

I like that the site is broken up into different "healthified" sections such as 30 minute meals, meals for 2 and meals under 300 calories.  It is very easy to find recipes that suit lots of different diets.  Tonight I am making the Chicken Spaghetti Bolognese and I am so excited about it.  I know that eating healthy for me gets even more difficult when I am bored with the food that I am eating.  Adding some new recipes into the mix livens things up for me and makes it easier to stay on track.  I hope you check out the site and find some new recipes to add to your collection.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new month and there are some new and exciting things coming to my blog and I will also be telling you about the wedding venue that we visited on Saturday.  I hope that the last day of what felt like the longest month ever is going well for all of you.

Donuts and Bridesmaids

Happy Friday everyone?  Was this the longest week on record?  I seriously felt like I was crawling to get to this point.  It could also be because I have a serious case of Spring fever.  The other day it was still semi light at 5:00 PM and I immediately started to daydream of rooftop patios, being at the lake, working out outside, etc.  I need this snow to melt already!  This is probably wishful thinking as I live in Minnesota and sometimes it snows in April, so I shouldn't get too ahead of myself.

Today was someone's last day at work and they brought in donuts.  Not just regular old donuts, but donuts the size of your head with sprinkles and even.... an apple fritter.  I went into the break room and filled my water bottle.  I sat at the opposite table and smelled the donuts.  Yum.  They smelled absolutely delicious.  I walked out of the room and sat down.  10 minutes later I was still thinking about donuts.  I walked back in to the break room.  Apple fritter was gone.  I decided sprinkles sounded good.  I cut the giant donut in half, so now probably only 400 calories instead of 800, haha.  I looked at it, was just about to pick it up and I RAN out of the room.  I walked to my desk, picked up my bowl, filled it will oatmeal and put it in the microwave.  I walked back and ate it.  After 10 minutes I was full, satisfied and not thinking about donuts.  WIN!

Anyway,  what does your weekend look like?  Playing workout games on your gaming system?  Hitting the gym hard?  Grocery shopping?  Okay, that is my weekend, but maybe some of you are doing similar things?  I have a happy hour after work (already looked at the menu to decide what to eat) and no alcohol.  I then have a birthday party at a bowling alley tonight.  Tomorrow is a big day of wedding stuff.  We are going to look at a couple more venues and we are also asking our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be in our wedding.    How did you guys ask people?  Just walk straight up and ask them?  Did you write them a nice card?  Give them something?  I have an idea of what I want to do, but I always welcome advice.  So tell me how you asked people to be in your wedding!?

Have a safe, healthy weekend.  Remember the next 180 days (6 months) will come quickly.  Will you be closer to your goal?  or maybe even at your goal?  Don't look in the mirror in July and say, "I wish I would have started sooner!"

Hate-Loss Challenge Update Week 4

Happy Thursday Everyone!  It is time for the fourth and final installment of the Hate-Loss Challenge that Ellen over at Fat Girl Wearing Thin has been hosting this month.  I would first of all like to give a huge thank you to Ellen for developing this idea and being the fearless leader who was so honest with all of us about her triumphs and struggles over the years.  It is amazing to me that she so willingly shares emotions and events in her life and has overcome so much to get where she is.  So, thank you Ellen.  You are amazing!

On that note I would like to tell you all what I have learned from this challenge and how I will try to incorprate these lessons and positivity into my life.  For starters, I would like to talk about the impact that being positive has had on my life.  I don't want to seem like I am little miss sunshine.  I certainly am not and I am also the first to admit that I am not always a Georgia peach :)  I will say though, that I think trying to be positive has helped me become the person that I am and has also helped me lose weight.

Truth be told one of my favorite movies is Pollyanna, the original with Hayley Mills.  It is no surprise that Pollyanna is in fact little miss sunshine.  I love that no matter how bad things were in her life she always found something to be glad about.  Yes, I know... life is not always glad this, glad that.  There are times that I am grumpy, irritable and possibly cantakerous.  However, I hope that when someone thinks of me they think I was generally a positive person with maybe a small dash or a sprinkle of occassional crabiness rather than a moody, difficult and negative person with a splash of joy. 

So, what is the point of this post?  I hope you're still reading.  Are you?  The point is that the hate-loss challenge has been a reminder to me to lose the hate.  That seems obvious, but seriously.  It is amazing what you CAN'T do and WON'T accomplish when you are stuck in rut, down on your luck and just plain negative.  Whether you are beating yourself up with "hate talk" or you are being short, negative or rude to others it doesn't really matter.  You aren't being productive.  You aren't accomplishing what you want to accomplish whether it is completing work, losing weight or any other daily task.  Chances are that you are dragging yourself and possibly others around you down with you.

If you really want to lose weight you must start with yourself first.  No one can make the choice for you to lose weight.  If you don't first try to make positive changes within it won't matter what you do on the outside.  Losing weight is about more than just watching what you eat.  It is also about what is eating at you and what you allow to bring you down.  The HL challenge has taught me that the most important thing in this journey of weight loss is me and how I approach this challenge.  Are there going to bad days?  Definitely.  Am I going to find things to dislike about myself along the way? Sure.  What matters the most is finding a way to keep going and to achieve a healthy body and life filled with positivity. 

Not everyone's level of positivity is the same.  Some people are highly positive while others are more subtle.  Find your level of positivity and live it. Do you want to be negative with a only splash of joy? Or, would you like to be positive with the tiniest pinch of occassional grumpiness?

101 Followers, My Ups and Downs, Photos

Hello everyone!  Hope you're all having a happy and healthy week so far. I just wanted to take a moment to say a HUGE Thank You to all of my followers who read my blog everyday and who always give me great feedbacks and comments.  I honestly think that this journey would be ten times harder without all of your support, so thanks for sticking with me!


If you read my blog and you want me to look at your blog leave a comment with a link to your blog on it, so that I can check it out and maybe follow you on your journey as well.  At the beginning of blogging I was always looking for new blogs, but I stopped and focused on my blog and catching up with other blogs that I read, but I am always looking for a few new reads to add to my dashboard. :)


I hope some of you enjoyed the wedding post earlier today!?  I am going to be updating you all on my wedding and my weight loss journey to get into my wedding dress.  I want this blog to be about losing weight and being healthy, but it is also about me and my life and right now my life consists of losing weight, finding a grad school, buying our first house and planning a wedding.  I hope you don't mind having some of my real life sprinkled in along with the weight loss.


So, today I was looking at my photos on my computer trying to find some new ones to post on my blog and I started to look at some older photos from 2007.  This is the year that I went to Italy.  I was at my thinnest weight as an adult while I was in Italy and I look at the pictures and I am green with envy.  I want to look like that again.  I honestly scrolled through all of the photos and thought, wow.  I look really good in these pictures.  I had so much energy and looked so happy!


I need to explain part of this because I am happy right now.  I am in love and have friends and family around me and a great job.  So, I am definitely not miserable or depressed.  I am however, as happy as I can be while I am overweight.  This may sound like a bold statement.  It is true though, I am generally a positive person and I look for the good in others and try to find the positive in most situations.  I would like to think that I seem very happy even though I really want to change my body.


In fact, my future mother in law told me at Christmas that after she read my blog she was shocked that I was unhappy being overweight.  She explained that she thought that I was confident and comfortable with my body and that she never guessed that I wanted to change my body.  I sure had her fooled.  In all honesty I think I wear fat well.  It is not to say that I look good at the weight I am in, but rather that I come off as being okay with being overweight.  She said that she thought I was extremely happy with my life and with my weight because of the way I carried myself and the fact that I would wear my swimsuit and short skirts and appear to love my body.


This is a problem for me.  I don't want to be comfortable being overweight.  I think being comfortable being fat or appearing to be comfortable with my weight is as harmful to my health as actually being overweight.  You see, if I am overweight and I look like I am okay with it and everyone else thinks that I am okay with it then I am more likely to stay that way or to fall back into that pattern.  I don't want fat to feel comfortable.  I don't want sweatpants to hide my bulge.  I don't want jeans in a range of sizes so if one pair is to tight I can just move up.  I don't want to be the highest number at the plus size store.  I don't want to be the fat girl who is okay with being fat.


I long to be the girl who left the U.S. and moved to Italy for 6 months.  To feel great in my body even if it wasn't my ideal weight.  I want people to think of me as more than just the bubbly, funny and entertaining overweight girl.  I want my personality to shine and my looks to match it.  I want to shop wherever I want to and have many options.  I want to look at a smiling picture of myself and know that I was happy and not just posing for the camera.  I want to be free of my fat once and for all.


I have added two new pages to my blog at the top.  One is called Heavy and one is called Light.  There are many pictures of me at both times in my life.  I really want to put them out there for me as a reminder, but also for all of you so you can see my ups and downs through photos and see what I am working towards.  The heavy section features me at the heaviest weight and they are difficult for me to look at.  They remind me of where I came from and where I never want to be again.  The light section features me at my thinnest and is a reminder of what I am striving for.


I also want to start sharing some music related stuff with you because music is a HUGE part of my life.  So, I will tell you my 5 favorite work out songs.  They are all ones that make me really push myself.  The music is a mix of pop, hip hop and rap.  The one in bold below features some foul language, so if you're not into that skip that one.


1. Mark Ronson & The Business International- Bang Bang Bang
2. Calabria 2006- Enur featuring Natasha
3. Major Tom-Shiny Toy Guns
4. Play Your Part (Part 2)- Girl Talk
5. Black Eyed Peas- The Time

Wedding Planning

So, as most of you know I got engaged on December 3rd and my fiance and I are now in the early phases of planning our wedding.  I have always wanted a fall wedding and after making some phone calls it looked like Fall 2011 was out of the picture.  That was more than okay with me because I want more time to lose weight and more time to plan, so we decided on October 6th, 2012.


We actually just booked our church last night!  It is the chapel at the University of St. Thomas where I went to college.  There is a long waiting list, but we finally booked it yesterday and we are thrilled!

Inside of the church.

I went to a weding fair with a friend a few weeks ago just to look around and get ideas mostly.  She is getting married in October of this year and needed to get some of her final things lined up.  As we were walking around and talking with people I started to realize that they are starting to book for Fall 2012 already.  Here I was thinking I have 20 months that is more than enough time.  Well, apparently it is not and I needed to really strat looking for a venue.


After looking online at like every venue in the area I made an appointment last Monday at two VERY different places.  The first one is in a historic building in downtown St. Paul and is very romantic and intimate.  It is kind of like a wine cellar with exposed limestone and wood.  The color palette is wine and gold, which goes fairly well with our theme.  It is lovely and romantic and went very well with my Tuscan Couture theme.  Some of the negatives were that there is not much parking, no bathrooms on the floor that the recpetion room is on and it is pretty pricey to reserve the space.

This was a nice little private sitting area.  I wanted to show the color palette. 

Bar area.  Original exposed limestone.

A look at the room.  I promise it isn't this dark.

Small sitting area in the reception room.

The second venue is located in Minneapolis in an area that is known as Uptown, which is where many of the trendy twenty-something's live.  So, this venue was more like a trendy bar, with booth style seating and bright vibrant colors.  They had two very cool built in bars, a hige dance floor and no need to decorate too much because it was already so unique.  This space also has limited parking, it is not exactly easy to get to, it is also pricey to reserve the spot and it feels like a night club.

Booths lining the outer walls.  Very fun and unique table arrangements.

Curved booth that most people use as the head table.

Huge dance floor and area for a band or DJ.

Staircase area.

The bar on the main floor.

So, after looking at the venues with our families we went out to dinner and had a very lovely time.  We were all able to express our concerns and lay everything out on the table.  It was really nice for us to all get on the same page.  After taking the night and the next day to think everything over I decided to pass on both of the venues.  Ultimately we want something that is easier for our guests to get to, with ample parking and for me something that is classic and elegant.  I don't want to have my wedding at either of these places, I want to go somewhere without the expensive rental fee and with more space and more elegance.


So, back to the drawing board.  I know that we will find somewhere that we love and it will fit our vision and plan perfectly, I just hate spending so much time looking for something.  Don't get me wrong, I love wedding planning, but I will feel better once we have some of the big items figured out.

Monday Session

Happy Monday Everyone!  Does anyone else have a hard time falling asleep on Sunday's?  I think I slept 30 minutes last night.  I don't like that.


I made healthy banana things this weekend.  I will post some pictures later, but I am at work and without my camera.  Thank you to Tim over at Fat Boy Thin for giving me a really great recipe!    

Goals

1. Take a picture of myself sweaty from working out every day this week.

Fail.  Mostly because I forgot my camera three days in a row and then when I finally remembered I tried to turn it on and it was dead.  So, guess what?  Back on the list.  I am about accomplishing things and making progress.  No sense in taking it off my list if I didn't do what I set out to do. 

1. Sign up for my first 5k.

Can I just say that I had NO IDEA there were so many races of all lengths in the Twin Cities.  How amazing?  I decided that I am going to sign up for the Challenge Obesity 5k that was recommended to me by Sarah over at the amazing blog Fat Little Legs.  I am very excited and nervous and I know that I really need to kick it into high gear until then.  The race is in April.

 

Newish Goals

 

1. Take a picture of myself sweaty from all of my work outs this week.

So, as I said before this one is making it on here again.  Not much explanation needed.  Not only do I want to have proof of my hard work at the gym, but I need to add some pictures to spice up life.

 

2. Try two new fruits and vegtables.

This is one of my old goals and I am bringing it back because certainly I can eat more than lettuce, apples, bananas and carrots in the fruit and vegetable department.

 

I am going to conclude this post as is, but I will be adding a post later on that is more of a wedding related post.  I know that this is a weight loss blog, but a huge part of my life right now is planning a wedding and getting in shape for a wedding.  I know that many of you have been down this road, so your advice in weight loss and weddings is important to me!  So, I hope you don't mind my occassional wedding post.  If you do, stick around for the next weight loss one! :)

Weight Update

Woke up this morning stepped on the scale.  Down 3 pounds.  Loving life.  Off to meet the fiance's grandma for lunch and then back to post my SS, recipe reviews and show you what I did with all of those bananas. :)

Five Things Friday

I have to keep reminding myself that I love Minnesota.  My friends and I are planning a cabin trip for this summer and it usually is about 97 degrees when we go up north to the cabin.  Right now where the cabin is it is...

-25°F	-2°	-12°	-1°
Feels Like: -45°

Right now in downtown Minneapolis it is...

-13°F	6°	0°	7°
Feels Like: -25°

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Okay, after a week of very insightful posts I bring to you the fun and quick 5 Things Friday.

1. I haven't seen my mom in weeks and I get to see her tonight because we are going to check out wedding venues tomorrow!!
2. I am attending a spin class tomorrow at the gym and I have never gone and I am terrified.
3. I have a bunch of leftover bananas so I am going to make some banana type things this weekend.  Maybe banana bread or banana bars?  Anyone have any healthy banana recipes?  I have a lot of bananas.
4. I have been to 10 countires, but I dream of going back to Ireland and Italy.
5. I will be 24.5 years old in a few weeks and I am excited to turn 25.  Why do people dread it so much?

Have a fun, safe, warm and healthy weekend!!!

Hate-Loss Challenge Update Week 3

Throughout this challenge I have spent time thinking about what I want to talk about the next week for my H-L update.  This week I posted about getting a compliment from a co-worker and how much that means to me and how it truly motivates me to keep going and helps me stay on track. 

I would like to think of myself as someone who gives out compliments when they are deserved.  I don't like to over compliment because then it may seem insincere.  I know that I compliment people I work with for doing a good job and my family and friends if they have done something well, such as getting into grad school or getting a promotion.

It used to be hard for me to compliment people who have lost weight.  More than likely this was because I was jealous.  If someone lost weight I would pretend like I hadn't noticed and if someone else complimented them in front of me I occasionally chimed in, but generally just continued on as if I hadn't noticed.  This is rude and shows that I was so insecure with myself and the fact that I couldn't lose weight that the jealousy of someone else losing weight the right way made me sick with envy.  It is a terrible, horrible thing that is hard for me to even say.  Why was it easy for me to say congrats on your engagement, but not say wow you look great, have you lost some weight? 

On that same note, when I was not actively being healthy or trying to lose weight I would not watch shows like (Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club or anything relating to fitness).  I would turn weight loss commercials, I would change the radio station if a gym or weight loss commercial came on.  I was in denial.  I was in pure, disgusting denial of my situation and wanted no one and nothing to pull me out of it.  It is hard for me to even admit it or talk about it really.  It is such an embarrassing thing to know that you need to change, but ignoring all of the help that people offer you and all of the warning signs. 

So, now that I have laid it all out there, I am going to tell you what I have learned and how I plan to avoid this negative behavior in the future.  First of all, I am much better about complimenting people.  I will say that I think it is easier to compliment others if you are happy yourself.  I am happy with the direction my life is headed and thus I am more apt to notice positive things in other peolpe's lives as well. As far as the part about avoiding fitness and health related stuff, I am a lot better.  I am more aware of myself and my eating habits and I know the neccesity of losing weight.

I will be the first one to admit that I am still a work in progress.  It has only been a month since I looked at myself for the first time in probably 6 years in a full length mirror.  I don't have all of the answers and sometimes I can be too hard on myself.  I know what I need to do and for the first time in my life I can say proudly that I know I will do it.  I am working on starting the positive talk about my behaviors and actions and then eventually working towards being able to say positive things to myself and really mean it.  I want to be able to look at myself and be proud of how I look and what I have been able to accomplish.  I don't want to be in denial, jealous or full of envy.  I want to be realistic, satisfied and have good will.

What Keeps You on Track?

You know that feeling that you get when a craving kicks in.  When you are hungry and your stomach is growling.  You are in a rush and you need to make a decision about food.  Your head may say, get a donut.  It might also say get a McDonald's breakfast sandwich.  Well, this morning donuts and sausage biscuit sandwiches tempted me.  They called out my name and said, just do it... you can always get back on track later.  FALSE.

Some days our willpower is stronger than others.  Today, mine was a brick wall, no one was ruining my healthy plan.  I walked right past the donuts and drove right past two McDonald's.  I didn't even look back once.  So, my question is, "what keeps you on track."  When you want to derail and succumb to your craving what is something that picks you up and keeps you focused and on track?

For me, I stay focused for a lot of reasons.  The first one, because it is the closest is because I am going to Florida in two months.  Swimsuits, dresses and shorts.  Airplanes (yuck), amusement parks and swimming pools.  I want to look better in my pictures this year than I did last year in Hawaii.  More than that I want to feel better than I did last year.  Next thing, I have five weddings to go to this year.  I want to look great in the outfits that I wear and feel comfortable.

One of the major reasons is because I know one year from now I will be trying on wedding dresses.  I want to look and feel my best.  My sister and several other brides that I know have said, "I wish I would have pushed my self to be as healthy as I could be in my wedding dress."  I know people have had to get gowns that they didn't want to because they weren't at their comfortable weight.  I don't want to have that problem.

One of the last things that keeps me on track is other people noticing that I am losing weight, complimenting me or telling me that I have inspired them in some way.  Yesterday, one of my co-workers wrote to me and said,

"I don’t know why or how it finally happened where I finally couldn’t stand what I was doing to myself, but it happened.  I am more focused than I have ever been and I just wanted to thank you for being inspirational in my journey to good health.  We work in a bldg with food everywhere, and it is worse for you, because you are like 50 feet away from it.  I admire your willpower, strength and determination to do this, despite all the obstacles.  It will make you an even stronger person in the long run, it just kind of stinks right now.  Feel free to call me to be there for you whenever you feel down and “emotionally hungry”.  I have a little note on my computer “If hunger is not the problem, food is not the solution”.  And since food hasn’t helped that so far, I’m trying something different this time."

I was very touched by this.  Someone that I work with noticed my actions and was able to positively change something in her life as a result.  It is the ultimate pay it forward.  This is the kind of kind words that keeps me motivated.  When you think that it is not just about you, but that someone else looks up to you or notices your hard work you want to continue on even more.  I have never been more motivated in my life.  I have my friends and family supporting me.  I have co-workers who admire me and my willpower.  I also have all of you following the ups and downs and keeping me in check.

So, today you should tell someone that you admire them.  That you are motivated by their actions and determined to live the healthy lifestyle that the are striving for.  You just may say the words that keeps them on track and helps them with a roadblock on their journey!  :)

Saturday Session... I know, I know it is Tuesday

I know.  I never seem to get this post on the right date.  Saturday is just always so busy.  I know that it is an excuse, but this weekend was wedding planning madness and we were just very overwhelmed and busy.  Ron and I looked at two venues that we are very interested in and are trying to make a decision between the two of them. 


Is anyone else planning a wedding?  If not, those of you who have planned wedding's what was the best part of the wedding planning?  What was the best part of the wedding?  What did you do that you could have skipped or what do you wish you would have done?  I need some ideas/suggestions from those of you who have been here before or are here now!


Okay, onto the purpose of the post.  Life is moving along quickly.  January used to be a month that I hated because it was so long and dreary.  It is still cold and dreary, but there is so much going on that to me it feels like it is flying by.  This week I did very well with my eating, and okay with my working out.  I need to get more activity in there.  I am down 3 pounds.   Woo hoo, going in the right direction!!


I am going to change the layout of the blog soon because I need a change.  I want something light and refreshing. Maybe this is because I already have Spring fever?  I am counting down the days to my trip to Florida in March with Ron's family.  So excited for another family trip and so thankful that they are being generous enough to take us on a trip!! :)   

Goals...

1. Take two new classes at the gym.

FAIL.  I did go to the gym a lot, but I took classes that I always took mostly because I am scared of change?  What am I so afraid of?  Looking foolish I suppose.  I know this doesn't make a ton of sense, but I just don't want to look like a dummy not knowing what I am doing.  This logic is really stupid because every class I have gone to before I have been new and I have loved it, so I think I need to just suck it up.  I am sure you will all tell me that.  You are all right!

2. Try 3 new healthy recipes.

Done, done and done.  I will be posting some of the pictures along with links to the cookbook sites this week.  They were all super delicious, fiance approved, healthy meals.  We loved them all and can't wait to try more!  I won't post the recipes for the ones in the cookbook, because you should buy the books because they are that good!!!

New Goals...

1. Take a picture of myself sweaty from working out every day this week.

I am using this as my motivation to go to the gym each day this week (hopefully to a new class) and posting it so that you can all see that I am re-committed to this weight loss thing.  I just really want to get back into my workout groove.  I want to commit to going everyday and soemtimes twice a day like I was in October and November.

1. Sign up for my first 5k.

I am very excited about this one, but also nervous!  I am going to sign up for a 5k this week that will be in a few months so that I have enough time to get ready to rock the 5k.  I know for some of you this may seem like no big deal, but for me it is stepping out of my comfort zone to do some new activity!

Stylish Blogger Award

I was given the Stylish blogger award from two different people and I feel so honored!!  I first got the award from Kelly over at Life in the Fat Lane.  I love her blog title, so very clever and I also really like to read what she is up to and enjoy the comments that she leaves for me!  The other award comes from Baby Weight and Beyond whose blog I also love to read and I love that she directs some questions to her followers to get the discussion moving :)


Thanks very much to both of you for passing along this award to me!  I appreciate it very much!

5 great bloggers...

1. Ellen at Fat Girl Wearing Thin I love her posts and think it is great that she started the Hate-Loss Challenge.  Ellen's blog is funny at times and also makes you think a lot.  I love that!
2. Veronica at Unveiling V She has a lot of great advice on her blog and her posts are always thought provoking.
3. Natasha at Girl Stuck in a Rut I love all of the pictures that she posts every day.  It gives me great ideas about new things to cook and buy.
4. Tim at Fat Boy Thin Style can mean many things, including being very funny which is exactly what Tim is.  I think boys can be stylish and I read his blog everyday!
5. Shannon at Shannon Under Construction I love to read her blog and I also appreciate the comments and feedback that she leaves for me!

Here are the details!

• Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
• Share 7 things about yourself.
• Award 15 5 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can). I am only going to do 5 just for the sake of time right now, but do as many as you see fit!
• Contact the bloggers and tell them they won!

7 things about me...

1. I prefer savory foods over sweet foods.

2. I drink at least 100 ounces of water a day.

3. I can't wait to get married next fall.

4. I am a Psychology major with a minor in Sociology.

5.  I just got accepted into a new position where I work that starts Feb 1st.

6. My favorite color is purple.

7. I have four nephews and a niece.

Hate-Loss Challenge Update Week 2

The first step toward change is acceptance.  Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.  That’s all you have to do.  Change is not something you do, it’s something you allow. ~Will Garcia; quote taken from The Everything Self-Esteem Book

I found this quote on Ellen's blog post today and I honestly read it like five times because it was so interesting to me and is something that I never really thought of.

When I first told my Mom that I had lost 19 pounds back in October and that I was committing myself to losing the weight for good this time she said, "I always knew that you had to decide that you wanted to change before you would be ready and willing to let yourself change."  This was very powerful to me. 

I have struggled with my weight for pretty much my entire life.  It has been something that I have struggled with personally, but also something that was often a topic of conversation with my mother and I.  She always thouhght that I should be thinner.  She would always come from a good place when she would tell me that I had gained weight but, I never saw it that way at the time.  My relationship with my mom is better when I am losing weight rather than gaining or mainting my heavy weight.  Although I don't agree with the way she handled every interaction or intervention about my weight, I know that she wanted the best for me and was looking out for my well-being.  I know now that when she said the comment to me in October about being open to change that she was right.  She said that there were many times recently that she wanted to talk to me about my weight creeping back up, but she knew that I had to make the decision on my own.

This quote above from Will Garcia resonated with me because it reminded me of my conversation with my mom and it also reminded me that it isn't enough to want to change soemthing like your weight.  You also have to allow yourself to change.  You have to be willing to say that you are allowing all of the things that come with losing weight into your life.  You have to allow mistakes.  You have to allow new eating habits.  Allowing change into my life is just one of the many things that I have learned on this journey. You must first accept yourself and then welcome change into your life with open arms.

A Huge Thank You!!

Thank you to all of you for the continued support and encouraging comments!  I really appreciate it!

I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment on my last post which was very difficult for me to write and also very emotional for me.  I posted it and I took a step back for a few days so that I could continue to fully digest everything.  As many of you pointed out, it is important to know when you need to make a change and to do some serious self-reflection.  That is exactly what I have done.

I am also proud to say that I got back into the gym this week which felt awesome.  My eating habits for the most part have been very good this week.  I am excited to get paid tomorrow to go grocery shopping and load my cart with healthy food and some new items to make some of the recipes I promised that I would post.

Look out for lots of posts this weekend and continued updates on my progress.  Thanks for being here through the ups and downs of my journey.

Waffle Fries. A confession. A promise. A Plan.

Waffle Fries

If you know anything about me you know that I prefer savory over sweet.  I would much rather eat french fries and potato chips with dip than something sweet most anyday.


So, last night I went to Granite City with two of my girlfriends.  GC is known for their waffle fries and seasoned sour cream and for very generous portions.  This my friend's is a dieters worst nightmare come true.  All day I was dreading going to GC because I have NEVER successfully gone there without indulging in waffle fry deliciousness.  I mean if I am going to be totally honest I once split an appetizer with my friends that was Idaho Nachos which are waffle fries covered in cheese, bacon and sour cream and then I ordered a sandwich with waffle fries.  Seems pretty reasonable. Ha.



My sandwich would usually be a Crispy fried Buffalo chicken wrap that I would then dip into blue cheese.



So, what is the message here?  Did I eat all of these things and this is a confession rather than an example of learning from the past rather than falling into my comfortable, delicious, savory, salty past?  What do you think?  Did I eat it?


NO!  Was it easy to not eat it?  No.  Do I want it to be easy and somehow become unappealing to me like fish or anchovies or sauerkraut?  Yes.  Is there a message in this post besides the fact that I didn't eat the above things and rather I ate the grilled mediterranean chicken with steamed broccoli?  Yes.  The message is below and it is one that took me awhile to deal with and to admit to myself and to all of you. 

The Confession

The real point of this post is to be honest with all of you and honest with myself.  Since Christmas, which was now almost 3 weeks ago I have not been walking the walk with this weight loss thing.  I have been doing really well during the day and not so great when I get home.  Some nights I have made dinners of tacos and spaghetti throwing portion control out the window.  Some days I ate smaller portions, but the choices were poor.  Some days were an off day that turned into an off weekend.  I am being fully and completely honest with all of you and with myself because that is the only way for me to learn from my mistake and to get back on track. 

The best part of this is that I learned my lesson before I gained all of the weight I lost back and more.  I put on my jeans that just fit before Christmas yesterday and they were SNUG.  I said, hmmm looks like the poor choices of caught up with me and that I need to get fully back on track.  Rather than grabbing a pair of sweatpants or a bigger pair of jeans I made the decision then and there that I am NOT going back to the place that I once was.  I am only going in the right direction.  The weight loss, pants fit, feel better about myself, don't feel guilty when people ask me how things are going, saying every other day is a cheat day direction.

So, what is the damage and what is my plan of attack?   Well.  I have gained 4.5 pounds since Dec 21st.  Yikes!  This makes me so mad, sad, angry, disappointed and confused.  How did I let this happen?  I mean I know how it happened, but what was the trigger and why did it take ahold of me off and on for the better part of 3 weeks!?! 

I spent a lot of time last night writing down my feelings and emotions during this time period so that I know for sure what kind of things played into my decisions.  It isn't enough for me to get back on track.  I need to know what happened that lead to the decisions that I made.  Some of the emotions were: overwhelmed, busy, anxious, scared, sad, defeated, ashamed, guilty and disgusted.  I wrote down some of the personal struggles that I have had during this as well so that I know some of the things that trigger me to eat or to make poor choices. This exercise helped me a lot.  For a long time I never thought I was an emotional eater at all.  I thought, I just really like food, but I don't eat because I am sad.  I know now that is false.  I know that my emotions tend to get the best of me and without knowing it I reach for a bag of chips.  I think I have made some great progress.  I think I am better prepared to get back on track and to tackle this weight loss thing again.

I hope you all see that everyone makes mistakes.  I was on a HUGE roll with this weight loss thing and it started to crumble before my eyes.  I hadn't have a bad day on this journey for 3 months.  I had been a working out, portion control, eating healthy machine.  The well-oiled  machine that I created defaulted and I know that I am the only person in control of that.   I had lost almost 50 pounds and just as I was starting to revel in that success, I turned my direction.  I know that my emotions and my busy life got in the way of my weight loss and in the way of my continued success. I believe know that I know what I need to do and the things that I need to avoid or learn to deal with in a different way.

The Promise

I promise to myself that I will not let something like this go on for as long as it did next time.  I promise that I have learned from this mistake and will be better off in the long run having gone through this.  I promise to always admit when I have screwed up and to not feel like I need to be perfect all the time.  I promise that I will show myself, my family, my friends and all of you that I can lose this weight and that I am a good example of someone who will overcome the odds and accomplish what they set out to do.


The Plan

1.  Blog more often
2. Post more pictures
3.  Be honest about every success and every failure
4. Post workout pictures
5. Post progress photos
6. Post recipes and food that I have tried
7. Work with a personal trainer again
8. Meet with my dietician to get a new plan in order
9. Talk about my emotions and my feelings
10. Lose the weight. For Good.

Satunday Sessions

Hello everyone?  Hope that you're having a great weekend!  I am busy, busy, busy but wanted to get a SS post in before the weekend was gone.


Last weeks goals were my New Year's year long goals, so I am going to recap my goals from two weeks ago.

1. Track my food all week. 

I did okay with this.  I am still not back to how diligent I was in October.  I need to make this more of a priority and I know it.  I need to know that when I am not tracking I am probably choosing something that is not the best and trying to fly under the radar. I know that I need to get this under control and hopefully this will be the week!

2. Set some major goals and challenges for the New Year.

I posted all of my goals for the New Year last week for you to all see and I got a lot of positive feedback, so that makes me even more excited to make 2011 the healthiest year that it can be!  I think I set some realistic and some challenging goals and I am excited to tackle them all!

New Goals...

1. Take two new classes at the gym.

To avoid a gym rut coming on.... who am I kidding?  I am in a gym rut.  I go to the same classes over and over and I barely sweat because I am used to them.  I need to step up my workout schedule and this week is the week for total kick-butt cardio at the gym to hopefully shed some serious pounds.

2. Try 3 new healthy recipes.

I have several cookbooks with delicious and healthy meals in them and I have not tried many of the recipes.  I need to try out some new food, some new recipes and get out of making the same stuff all the time because it leads to cravings of missed fattening and sodium packed foods that I don't want to eat.

Some other things that will be changing about the blog, but that aren't necessarily goals are...

1. Posting more recipes

2. Posting my weigh in every week no matter what 

3. Posting more pictures with each post because let's be honest they are more fun.

4. Updating my progress photos

Hate-Loss Challenege Thursday Update

It isn't neccesarily easy for me to shower myself with compliments.  I have a difficult time with finding positive things about myself sometimes, so I thought I would start out with making a list of 5 positive things about myself.  It is easier for me to do this than to just say i'm beautiful, i'm wonderful, etc.  My hope is that by the end of the month I can genuinely say some really powerful and positive things about myself.

1. I have a nice smile.
2. I like my legs.
3. I like my brown eyes.
4. I like my Irish freckles/skin.
5. I like my naturally curly wavy hair.

So there you have it.  5 things that are positive, 5 things that I can honestly say I like about myself.  I would love to add more things to that last and I would also love to be able to say even stronger statements and mean it.  It is not easy to see myself as gorgeous and beautiful when I feel like I could be so much better, so much thinner, but that is not what this is about.  This challenege is about embracing what you do have and how great you already are.  It makes no sense for me to dwell on things that I don't love, when there are plenty of great things about me.

How is the challenge going for everyone else?  Are people posting their sheets around so they can see positive thoughts around them?  I have my sheet by my bed and at my desk.  I am loving this challenge and am very happy to be participating!

I hope everyone has a positive Thursday.  Just remember that with most everything in life you get out of it what you put into it.  Make some positive, healthy changes and get more :)

Fashion Update: LBD

Fashion Update: LBD aka Little Black Dress

Perfect for a night on the town.
Perfect for date night.
Perfect for girl's night.
Perfect.


ASOS Curve Layered Sleeve Shift Dress $62.06
I really love this dress.  I would wear it to girl's night,  or a night on the town... or pretty much anywhere.


ASOS CURVE Exclusive Chiffon Shift Dress $32.76
I love the romantic V neckline.  I would probably pair this with a cardigan and heels for a date night.

Forever 21+ Quilted Strapless Dress $27.80

I like the quilted look because it is different.  Flirty and fun LBD.

Avenue One Shoulder Wonder $54.99

This cut will flatter almost any shape.  I think it is a nice, elegant LBD.