When it Rains...

So you know the rest of it.  I just got back from my relaxing vacation on Friday and instead of spending the weekend lounging aound we have been active (working out, walking around outside now that it is above 4o degrees) and looking for a house.  I am going to update you on the housing situation which is as follows.  Ron and I have been pre-appoved for a loan, we have a realtor, we have looked at 25 houses.  We have two that we really like and we are pretty close to ready to make an offer.  We have to be out of our apt by July 1st and we would like to put an offer in by April 15th because some rates will be going up then.  This is all great and good and we are really excited about moving into our first home.

After we found a house that we really like we went home and did some cleaning and then I left to get groceries.  I went down to my car and it wouldn't start.  It sounded like it wanted to turn over and nothing would happen.  The lights were on so we knew it wasn't the battery.  I ended up calling AAA and they towed it to an auto repair shop.  This morning the guy called me and quoted me $500 to fix the lock cylinder of the car which includes the tumbler and the switch of the car.   It seemed a little high so I called around and got one estimate higher than that and one right around the same price. I also need a new battery which I was quoted $130 for.  All of this is so frustrating.  I know that cars need repairs and this is life, but it just is raining on my parade right now.

To make matters worse I went back to work today from my vacation only to find out that we might be getting a 6% pay cut.  So, things have gone from bad to worse.  I feel so overwhelmed.  If we get the paycut I will have to stretch more to make buying the house work.  We are looking at the lower end of our budget already so that we aren't house poor, but I can't help but feel like maybe this is a sign that we shouldn't buy a house right now.

Anwyway, the good news about this is that instead of turning to my dear friend food I have turned my anxiety and frustration into an amazing gym session tonight where I can imagine kickboxing the auto mechanic (I know it is not his fault, he is just trying to make a living too) and chasing after the legislators who want to cut my wages by 6% on the treadmill.

The Happiest Place on Earth and a Moment of Clarity

Hello everyone.  I am finally back from my vacation to Disney World and I had a great time!  The weather in Florida was sunny and about 75, which is perfect in my book.  We stayed at the Polynesian hotel and it was great!  They had a nice pool and a white sandy beach that made me feel like I was by the ocean even though it was a man made pool.  

The Polynesian hotel with a volcano water slide in the middle.

The worst part about the trip is also kind of the best part about the trip, but at the time it was just plain awful!  I got five blisters over the course of my time at Disney World.  All over my feet and they were ridiculously painful.  I guess I should have brought more comfortable shoes.  I had to put antibiotics on them, band-aids, moleskin and finally an ace bandage to be able to just walk semi-comfortably.  So that was not exactly the best, but we walked about 10 miles a day.  One day we even walked 13 miles.  I kid you not we walked all day everyday.  It was nice though to be always moving and feel like I was seeing all there was to see.  I got to see pretty much everything at Disney World including the Magic Kingdom and all its glory and Epcot and all of the nations within it.

The Magic Kingdom!

Epcot.

So, before I went on the trip I was having a lot of anxiety about how everything would go and just worrying about my size as it relates to fitting in a plane seat and being able to buckle myself on the various rides at Disney World.  I have to say that I am about 30 pounds smaller than I was last year at this time when I went to Hawaii and my experience on the plane was noticeably different.  Last year the belt barely buckled and I felt completely cramped in my seat.  Luckily my fiance was next to me on that flight, so we made it work.  This time on the airplane I fit into my seat just fine and had room to spare on my belt buckle.  I even sat next to a stranger on the way to Disney World and I was terrified of someone reporting that I was too big to fly next to them.  Luckily for me this didn't happen and I was able to even engage in conversation with my neighbor during the flight. 

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it feels to fit on a plane seat more comfortably and have room to spare in my belt buckle.  It is something that only someone who has been there before can truly understand.  For me it was a moment of clarity.  It was the push that I needed to say to myself, "look at what you CAN do!  You can fit in an airplane seat and you CAN lose this weight!"  I think that some people lose a little weight and they reward themselves in unhealthy ways (eating poorly, not working out, loosening up on their regime and I am the first to admit that I have been there before!  I am happy to report though that my eating was mostly in check on my trip and my spirits are better than ever.  I am a woman who has seen a change that is so moving for me that I am bound and determined to book my next flight in the middle seat.  YIKES!  Just as motivation for me to continue to lose weight and to keep up this hard work.  Losing weight is such a battle and can be so anxiety filled and I am just done with worrying about not fitting into a plane and worrying about not being able to buckle my belt on certain rides.  I am over it.  I want to be carefree about my weight.  I want to be able to sit anywhere on a plane or in a car and not worry about fitting.  I want to go on my trip next year and sit in the middle seat and not spill out into anyone else's space and to buckle my belt, put down my tray table and bend over to grab my stuff stowed beneath the seat with ease and comfort.  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.  This is my mission and my goal.  My next blog post will be about my plan.  The actions behind the goals.  Because you are all talk if you don't make a plan!

I am going to leave you with a picture of me last year in Hawaii just one year ago and a picture of me now in Disney World.  I am changing and sometimes even though I can see it in an image it means more to see it in the form of an airplane seat.

This is Ron and I in Hawaii last year.  March 2010.

This is Ron and I at Disney World.  March 2011.

Struggles

Hello blog friends...  I have once again had an absence of longer than I would like.  I have been having a rough time lately with losing weight and with everything else going on in my life (parent's divorce, getting engaged, planning a wedding, buying a house, going on vacation, etc.)  I feel like I have just had a lot of things going on lately and a lot of stress.  I had been taking on too much, stretching myself too thin and not doing the right things for my mental or physical health.


I know that I need to just get back in the groove and make it my life.  I know that I need to worry less and work out more.  I know I need to be conscious of everything that I put in my body and I also know that I need to talk to someone not in my family, not a  friend and not my fiance about some of my life's stresses and finding a better way to manage them.  I know that I need to just work through these problems rather than to let them fester inside for so long.  I know that I am once again moving in the right direction.  I think the most important thing that I have learned is that it isn't enough to have a personal trainer and a dietician to lose weight if you're not in the right frame of mind and if you're not working through issues and stresses that arise.  So, I am going to work on my mental and physical health and be the best overall person that I can be.  I am a work in progress, but at least I am working on it.